You guys are great.
Today is a wierd day for me, I am noticing a wierd thought pattern, mood pattern whatever. For no reason (that I know of) my thoughts have gone from eh to blah to paranoid and sad. My thoughts are scattered and I am scared.
My husband decided he didn't want to go to counselling with me today, I was so tired and frustrated, I just called and cancelled my appointment and went back to bed. I have told my hubby this is something that he can do for me so that I am not so crazy, he just commented that he loved me how I am, crazy or not and that I don't need to change. He doesn't get that living in the constant cycle of get up and go and do, do, do, then bam down, sleep, sleep, sleep, cry, cry, cry isn't normal and that I am the one who wants to see a change not for him or the kids but for myself and my sanity. I have tried to explain this to him and he just doesn't get it.
I want to stop the paranoid thoughts, that everyone is talking about me behind my back, that everyone has an ulterior motive for doing things. That everyone else is just saying to do it their way because they want to force their views on everyone.
It took alot of cajoling from me to get my hubby to go the first time, I felt a little bushwhacked because the therapist said we wouldn't ambush him and that she would leave me to bringing things up with him, when she kind of just bammed left it wide open for me to say something to get it rolling. She has also pushed at asking me to consider leaving my husband, she even suggested to my husband that maybe I should leave him. He said that I could go ahead and leave and he won't stop me. At the end of the meeting, he agreed that he would come to a second meeting and I thought we were working on sorting us out.
Today, I don't know if I should continue with therapy or just say screw it.
Blahhhh, hopefully I can get my thoughts organized over the weekend and start next week fresh.
Take care everyone