Thanks Diva and Faryal,
I know that no-one can give me the answers and you are there to listen (thankfully someone is). I started this venting post to help me get it out and it has done pretty good for me so far to read what others think about my craziness (yes, craziness, it is lighter than depression and darker than sanity it is a word I am comfortable with).
I am sitting here at my desk after sleeping in and getting here late. One of my co-workers asked me what happens when I sleep in, I told her I either sleep through the alarm or the cat unplugs it, which does happen. I am just so down and can't seem to get up. I am still tired and itchy and now my scalp is flaking so bad it's like winter here. I've tried Nizoral and Psoriasin (which helps the itch in my ears but not on my head). The hives are gone but I feel like creepy crawlies are crawling on me and making me itch.
I have put on a ton of weight and have resorted to my skirts with elastic waists and dressess with no waists, pretty clothes yes, but they don't lift my spirits like they used to. No makeup, because what if I start crying, then everything runs and that looks terrible, can't cover the red blotches on my face because that makes it worse, can't cover the rash on my lips because that makes it worse, can't hide under the covers because the kids need to eat. My hubby notices my excess weight and makes comments (not mean ones, just ones of concern) and I want to cry. This looks really good at the bariatric clinic hubby's weight is going down, which is what it is supposed to do, wife's weight is going up, yet they live in the same house, not that they weigh me or anything but those thoughts go through my head, I know they couldn't care less about me unless I were their patient.
I just feel like sticking out my tongue and blowing the world a raspberry and running and hiding (maybe play my mario for a while) till this passes.