Elaine
Yes I do understand that there have been times in my life when I lived on negative street ( I think the mailbox was decorated with a minus sign). Looking back I now see that the reason for that was always rooted in some fear or other, often times unrecognized, but nonetheless present.
In addiction cessation, fear is always in the front row. The person wishing to end the cycle is confronted with two belief systems that collide in the mental/emotional universe like two out of control titans.
On the one hand is the belief that cigarettes hold some mystical power that we must have in order to get through life. They are the shield that helps us through that interview, or that is required to speak on the telephone or that we must use to cover our insecurities at a party or other such event. On the other hand is the belief that cigarettes are slowly doing us in. The poisons within are coating our internal organs with a darkness that will eventually lead to our earthly demise. The darkness of course is a metaphore for underlying unconfronted fears that, in the first instance, caused us to begin smoking.
Two opposing belief systems. In effect we are both the prisoner and the jailer. In my way of thinking, it is all about calling up the courage to ask ourselves for the key. The other option is to sulk in the corner sucking down smoke quietly fearful of approaching the jailer (which is us) for the required key that will put an end to our incarceration. Odd lot we are indeed.
In any case, I do congratulate you on your wonderful progress. I know that you are thinking through the issue of NRTs and I know that eventually you will find the answer to that one. In the meantime, don't waste time beating yourself up over it, just get on the freedom road and read the signs in the language that you understand.
Thank you for taking the time to read my little missive.
nonic
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B]12/25/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 432
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,960
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $4,536.00
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 80 [B]Hrs:[/B] 12 [B]Mins:[/B] 34 [B]Seconds:[/B] 26
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Quit Meter
$70,497.00
Amount Saved
-
Quit Meter
Days: 1543
Hours: 11
Minutes: 42
Seconds: 27
Life Gained
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Quit Meter
6714
Smoke Free Days
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Quit Meter
201,420
Cigarettes Not Smoked