One last post.
It seems that this is not helping, and my lifestyle changes over the past year and whatever haven't helped at all. I may as well just say f*** it and not bother seeking help from anywhere, anymore. Since no-one here reads the whole string and some just preach, because they can.
I will not do something just for the sake of doing it, what's the point? Should I go shoot someone just for the sake of shooting someone? NO, so what is the point of exercising, eating healthy (according to someone else's views of eating healthy) just for the sake of doing it. In my view it hasn't done anything aside from make me more miserable and what is the point in being more miserable? There isn't one.
Why are my thoughts not right? Again someone else forcing their views of right and wrong on me. Viewing something negatively is how we protect ourselves from hurt. Should we just continue to let everyone hurt us, physically, emotionally or otherwise. NO. So I will never be happy, I will never be normal and I will never be someone else's idea of right, perfect or otherwise. This is who I am and I have accepted it. I cannot make anyone else see things how I do, and I cannot seem to view things as others do, so I will stop trying and just deal on my own again, it worked for over 30 years so maybe, it will work again. If bad sh** would stop happening, then maybe I could catch my breath and get myself back to my normal.
I do not blame others or my illnesses for my depression, I know it is my problem and I will have to figure my own way out of it. I do blame others for not trying to be encouraging or attempting to understand that I am a unique person and I don't fit in a box. It was and is difficult ito ask for help because I always hear, Johnny and Sally did this, so it should work for you and if it doesn't work within a reasonable amount of time, continue to do it because Johnny and Sally are and look at them.
Thanks for listening and have great lives.