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Am I an idiot?

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 23

Nonic thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me. I really appreciate it. I like the flipping coin analogy!

Just thought Id check in to proudly say that I will be off to be and when I awake in the morning I will be 4 weeks quit...full 28 days...one whole month!!!! Yay! can you tell that Im excited about this! Lol!

Just want to say quick thanks to all the members and moderator son this site! Your support is wonderful. I may not write an entry often, but Im usually reading along in the background :).

Ive also logged on to the HWC sister site so that I can try and avoid substituting my ciggoie cravings with chocolate and other sweets...which I have not been doing too good at I must admit. So now I will have the support of two sites, I feel confident that the support is there but know (and hate...hehehe!) that the hard yards have to come from me! Thanks guys:-)

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 880

Aussiegirl:

No you are not an idiot. You are dealing with an addiction. My sense is that you are in fact a very thoughtful, inwardly searching person, who is simply caught in the cycle of addiction. I understand that. I too allowed myself to fall victim to smoking's allure. But the good news is that on some level you understand all of this and are actively seeking your way out of the forest. It does get dark along the way and I am glad that you have chosen to seek the sun by participating in this forum.

After I read your posting, I went back through my own diary and tried to find something that may give you some things to think about regarding the reasons that lie behind addiction. Keep in mind that these musings reflect my own experience and may not be useful to you. However, if any of this resonates with you, I do hope that its content will be of some use to you.

Flipping coins - by nonic

10/29/2009 8:08:09 AM

When I smoked I smoked for a reason.  Of course that reason or reasons where not always front and center in my consciousness.  In fact they where living way down deep in the nether world of my being.  However, no matter how deeply they resided in me, their influence supported my addiction as a foundation maintains the form of a house.

Now when you come to that point in your quit when the urges are coming at you like a freight train, when you've got your quit groove down and the melody, harmony, cadence and form are all dancing as if they have been partners all their lives, just when you think you have the thing beat and your doing the Rocky Balboa waltz in the middle of the ring, here come those craves again.

It should not surprise us, but it does.  Never forget that smoking is a learned behavior.  And humans do not learn things for the fun of it; we are a very utilitarian lot after all.  We learn things for a REASON.  This addiction is no different. Old patterns of existence die hard and they do not go away simply because we wish them to depart.  We must learn how to adapt a non-smoking behavior pattern to supplant the former learned smoking behavior.

It might be useful to think of a craving situation as a coin.  On the top side of that coin is the dreaded feeling that "I must have a cigarette".  If we have come any distance at all in the quit, we now know the situations and forces that lead us down the paths that endanger our quits. So it should be an easy matter to conjure up a vision of a coin to represent the situation.  In the past every time we encountered this particular coin, we solved the crave by smoking a cigarette.  There that was easy.  I was upset by a situation, and all I had to do to get "unupset", was to inhale a bunch of poison into my lungs, all the while risking lung cancer, possible heart failure and a host of other complications.  Hmm doesn’t sound like much a solution. It sounds more like an addiction to me. And that is just what it is.  It has no logic, but it does have a reason that is motivating the hurtful and plainly illogical behavior.

So back to the coin.  If instead of going for the smoking option, mentally flip that coin over and see the other side.  I will bet you dollars to donuts, that underneath that coin you will find one of the base emotions pushing you on to commit slow suicide. It is not the situation that is causing you to smoke, it is not the person in your face that is causing you to smoke, it is not anything external to your wonderful self that is urging you on to smoke.  It is the emotive mixture of our very selves that is urging us on.  And this brings us back to one of the most basic tenants of this site.  That is try not to become to tired, to hungry,to lonely,or to angry.

When these latent craves come calling try your best to flip the coin over and identify what reaction you are having to a certain situation.  Try your best to identify the emotion that you are feeling in that particular moment in time and find a way to deal with it.  For instance you may not be happy in your job, but you have to do it now for financial reasons.  Ok, I can understand that, but that does not mean that you have to smoke to get through.  Instead you can begin looking at creative ways to release yourself from the job by exploring other opportunities. You can come to terms with the fact that for the time being you must continue as you are. Sometimes we just have to accept what is and make the most of it. Do not except a permanent solution (death by cigarettes) to solve a transitory problem.

A crave is very much like a coin.  On the face of it is the urge of all urges that will not let us be.  But never forget that a coin has two sides and it is the flip side of the coin that tells the tale.  In the end no one, no thing, no being has the power to make us smoke.  We allow ourselves to smoke, in many cases because we do not know how to or do not wish to flip the coin over and deal with the other side.

Well that is both sides of it now.  I know its not easy and I also know about episodic depressive states.  I know about the darkness and the fear of returning to the darkness. But never forget that you have a light in you that you have the power to turn on.  A cigarette cannot do that for you; it can only make the darkness appear to be tolerable. And that is just intolerable.

stay well

nonic

My Mileage:

My Quit Date: 12/25/2006
Smoke-Free Days: 1369
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 41,070
Amount Saved: $14,374.50
Life Gained:
Days: 267 Hrs: 21 Mins: 40 Seconds: 49

Quit Meter

$70,108.50

Amount Saved
Quit Meter

Days: 1446 Hours: 15

Minutes: 19 Seconds: 35

Life Gained
Quit Meter

6677

Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter

200,310

Cigarettes Not Smoked

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1843

Aussiegirl, glad you are are still here and smoke free! It does get easier, one day at a time! I recommend adding your quit meter to your postings from "my profile" so we all can celebrate your success! As for smoking masking other issues, its like if you always have a "smokers cough". That smokers cough might actually be something else, not caused by smoking. Other breathing issues might appear once you quit smoking. You might have always had the issue, you just didn't know it. The good thing is that your body is now healing! And if you do notice anything different, reach out to your medical provider to make sure everything is ok! We're all rooting for your success!
My Mileage:

My Quit Date: 8/20/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 764
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 30,560
Amount Saved: $7,640.00
Life Gained:
Days: 117 Hrs: 15 Mins: 22 Seconds: 13

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 23

Hi guys! I'm still here and still smoke free! Yay! Today was a little easier for me thank goodness. I will read the Allen Carr book and might just read it 5 times too Kiwi

It is so wierd to think that smoking masks other issues. I don't really get that to be quite honest so if anyone has an explanation, please enlighten me. I mean, its not like smoking dope, shooting up or drinking myself to an oblivion (trust me no judgement here!). These types of drugs actually alter the mind and are a means of truly escaping reality. How exactly does smoking do this?

I guess on some level it must be true though bc I have become more reflective during this quit and things like my 'rebelliousness' have reared their ugly head again, but how? How does this happen or why?

Id also like to thank you guys for your openness. Seems like families are more trouble than their worth sometimes (hehehe)...parents always find a way to mess their children up! Hahaha!

P.s. Jim...Not much to do down under believe me...its cold and miserable here even though it is Spring. aussie weater is majorly inconsistent...especially in Victoria. OMG! Bring on the sunny weather PLEASE! I need some Vit D!

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 672

Hi aussiegal, the book was a great crutch for me to lean on as i hadn't planned my quit, it was spur of the moment & i desperately need some 'analysis' during what i experienced as quite a very disturbing 'withdrawal' period ( i quit Cold T). I read the book 5 times over & it did change how i perceived smoking.

The quit journey for me was a real eye opener, you learn a lot about yourself & for me the hard reality that i'd lived a life to suit my families expectations of me, but it wasn't who i was.

Ron, your post is nothing short of remarkable.

Keep up the good work !

My Mileage:

My Quit Date: 1/1/2005
Smoke-Free Days: 2091
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 73,185
Amount Saved: $19,028.10
Life Gained:
Days: 303 Hrs: 1 Mins: 34 Seconds: 26

Quit Meter

$13,735.98

Amount Saved
Quit Meter

Days: 684 Hours: 7

Minutes: 58 Seconds: 45

Life Gained
Quit Meter

3753

Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter

56,295

Cigarettes Not Smoked

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1904

No idiot would have made it this far. Keep moving forward.

My Mileage:

My Quit Date: 5/1/2009
Smoke-Free Days: 509
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 14,252
Amount Saved: $6,057.10
Life Gained:
Days: 57 Hrs: 7 Mins: 51 Seconds: 59

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 2778

Hey Aussiegal!!!

A belated welcome and huge congratulations to you on making it through Hell Week, Heck Week, and Blah Week!!! I hope that you are enjoying your holiday... I'm totally jealous! After the summer I've been through, I can't wait for some significant time off!!!

There are a whole bunch of your fellow quit buddies here that have gone through the blahs that you have been going through and Brenda has hit the nail on the head! Think about something that you have always wanted to do and just do it! Heck, I can think of a LOT of things I'd love to do with a couple of weeks off, especially down under!

If nothing else, how about writing a letter to some friends you haven't communicated with in some time or how about that book you always intended to read? If you want some more ideas, just ask!

One other thing that may help you keep motivated is to set up your stat meter. You can do that by filling out the info in the "my profile" section. I know that many here have benefited by checking out their stats and we all love to see how our quit buddies are doing!

You are definitely doing great so far! Keep that junkie thinking WAY back in the depths of your brain and celebrate every smoke free day!!! It's one helluva gift you are giving yourself... FREEDOM!!!

Jim

My Mileage:

My Quit Date: 3/5/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 931
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 23,275
Amount Saved: $3,840.38
Life Gained:
Days: 160 Hrs: 9 Mins: 35 Seconds: 53

Quit Meter

$46,807.50

Amount Saved
Quit Meter

Days: 1142 Hours: 20

Minutes: 13 Seconds: 6

Life Gained
Quit Meter

6241

Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter

187,230

Cigarettes Not Smoked

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 377

Hi Aussiegal,

I think the reason why Kiwi was recommending the book by Carr is that the book will dispel the idea that smoking is fun, or that you will be lost without it. I was just like you, smoking was my rebellion to my family and others and I thought I could not survive without having this in my arsenal. But what I didn't realize was what really was happening was I didn't really accept who I was and I bought into the lie of what my family and others told me at an early age. Basically that I was X,Y and Z which were all negative (fill in what you want). Once I read the book I realized that smoking really did nothing for me and once we see that for what it really is, stopping becomes much more manageable. Things do come up when we quit, but if we just observe it instead of hiding behind it with a cigarette, we then can blossom into who we really are. Quitting is the best gift you can give yourself.

Ron

My Mileage:

My Quit Date: 6/17/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 827
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 14,886
Amount Saved: $5,210.10
Life Gained:
Days: 128 Hrs: 19 Mins: 56 Seconds: 30

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 23

Breather and Kiwi, thank you guys soooo much. Its about 3am here and I can't sleep. Struggling along a little so thought I'd log on. Glad I did bc I read your replies and they've given me the boost I need right now. Hopefully I can get some sleep now! Kiwi I have read a stop smoking book by Carr - not sure what the title was. Maybe I should revisit it again. What in particular did you find helpful from the book?

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 672

Hi aussiegal,congrats on your achievements so far.

To answer you question...... you are not an idiot & many of us here will 'get you'.

I remember feeling pretty sorry for myself for at least 3 - 6 months, but that was just me.

May i suggest reading Allen Carrs 'Easy way' book, sure turned my train of thought.

I will say this, there is no need to fantasise about smoking just think of it for what it is & thats a nasty Addiction to Nicotine that has consumed you & has complete control over you & your life.

Good on ya !

My Mileage:

My Quit Date: 1/1/2005
Smoke-Free Days: 2089
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 73,115
Amount Saved: $19,009.90
Life Gained:
Days: 302 Hrs: 20 Mins: 17 Seconds: 48

Quit Meter

$13,735.98

Amount Saved
Quit Meter

Days: 684 Hours: 7

Minutes: 58 Seconds: 45

Life Gained
Quit Meter

3753

Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter

56,295

Cigarettes Not Smoked

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Am I an idiot?