INFPs unite! Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this...I was very curious as to what made you so optomistic in earlier times...whatever your direction or goal that you acheived probably holds a key to your beingcoming happy again. Right now you are going through a stressful time adjusting to a new family circumstance of the responsibility of raising a child; which by the way is usually a good job for an INFP. They are very good at child caretaking usually. It is really hard when you have to carry the load of being the man of the house and looking after your family when you are also not fitting into your job situation too well. Maybe you are not being "unpractical", maybe that is just the way some people would label it. This is not just your personal problem, being an INFP, it is a social problem that your point of view of things is not usually understood or appreciated. Remember to be optomistic about your good qualities whether or not others appreciate them or not. I hope you can do something creative, or do some kind of work that will highlight your ability to be vigilent and see what is not going right, (or your perfectionism) in a good way. Some people believe that one day INFPs will be more valued and organizations will see the need to hire us more because it will be economically to their benefit to do so. You will know what you need the most intuitively. Make a list of all your good qualities, and believe it. Even if you can't find the exactly right job at the moment, maybe you can direct your potential into hobbies or other interests. Test market yourself. Think about how you feel about material things and what you really need to be happy; and what you really can do without. I think peace of mind is better than a higher salary. I hope you can figure out what's best for all of you! Don't worry about venting, I think that's what this site is for! :)

Hi Jan and unrequitted, I'm so glad to find some INFP's to talk to about depression! I've been researching the INFP type to understand my recent depression. I only recently realized how depressed I was about 8 months ago - the signs had been there for over a year but I didn't see it. Although my wife has been supportive, she can also get frustrated with it. Like me, she just wants me to be my happy-self again. I used to be SO OPTIMISTIC. As long as I had a direction to go in or a new goal to try and achieve I was doing great. Looking back now, I recognized small areas of depression in my life, but they were overshadowed by the exciting parts of it. Learning how rare my INFP type is has helped me understand why I felt like I never belonged. And lately, I've felt extremely lonely - even though I see my friends often. I started going to therapy about 1 month ago. I've been avoiding Meds because I fear they are just a mask to my deeper issue - hopelessness and inability to have a next goal or direction. Although, I constantly CRAVE to be happy again, so I'm starting consider taking them. Basically, my biggest problem is my "idealistic" nature. Although, I should be gleaming with happiness, since my wife and I have a 5 month old healthy baby, I keep feeling the stress of the fact that I'm disappointed with myself and my career choices over the last 7 years - I feel like I've run into a dead end, but I can't afford (financially) to change directions. I live in an area where prices are rediculously to high (we can't even afford a decent condo even though we are working professionals) but I can't find a job anywhere else that isn't some kind of demotion. I feel so stuck. I recently had an opportunity for a job that would pay well and it was near my wife's family, but I hated the job and quit on the first day before we had quit our current jobs and moved to the new city (which I was disappointed about moving to). It felt like such a step back in my life. I'm so angry at myself for having this "idealistic" ambition. I'm unhappy here, so I might as well had been unhappy there, but having my family happy and in a home they could enjoy. But I made my decisions and now I'm here trying to push myself harder to achieve my goals here, but trying

Dear Jan; I am so glad to meet another INFP! It is so difficult for me to find friends that think the way I do, and I think this is one of the major problems when trying to have friends and open up to them. Other INFP's have a hard time opening up too, and that means that INFP's have a hard time finding people to talk to that understand. I know there are some sites on the internet especially for us, because there are other people out there who feel like we do and have a difficult time of finding connections. One book that I read that really helped me feel like loving my INFP self, is called The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron, PH.D. It starts with a test to see how sensitive you are, and then it goes on to explain that sensitive people are in the minority percentage wise. That means most people will not understand us. It also means that if we become overstimulated, understimulated, and have come from a bad home environment, it can be detrimental to loving ourselves, because most people cannot understand our sensitivity, and our parents probably did not help with it either, although usually one parent is also hyper sensitive. My mother was the tough one. She said I had to learn to be more thick skinned to get through life...the response that Elaine Aaron teaches is to answer, "Too thin skinned by whose standards? I was born this way just as 15-20% of all living creatures were"....Also, people who are INFP are very good at some things that other people are not good at, and they sometimes need each other to support their strong points. The trouble is getting together to discuss such things. Sometimes it is really hard to find a job that fits our profile, because we want to help others and find out what we are good at. The Myers-Briggs tests are full of suggestions, but I think for us, it is a little more difficult to find a job that is fulfilling unless we have a lot of emotional support and guidance as to what we are best at. Many Sensitive people end up on prescription drugs just so that they can face the tough world out there. We are usually very spiritual, but have trouble socializing with others. So I became socially phobic. I am still in need of medications, but because I have gone through a lot of therapy, and have found medicati

Hi, I have been suffering with Depression for probably most of my life but have only been treated for it for the last year. I have been in the hospital three times and am supposed to be feeling better? I am on alot of medication and it was just upped a little on my last visit. I just feel like I'm still feeling so sad. Is this something that I will always feel or can it go away? I get sick of feeling like this but I can't seem to get out of it! I am going to a great counsellor and I will continue to do that. I just want to be happy. If anyone has any suggestions please share them with me. I'm not sure how long I can stand feeling like this!!! Oh, by the way, I am an INFP. JBM

Andee, I hope that this coming from someone who is diagnosed with clinical depression and post traumatic stress disorder, needing that which I can't always ask for, but still-at times- expects, helps... My husband is a loving man...he hurts when he sees me hurting...he just doesn't know what to do. During an episode of depression, I find it very difficult to ask for what I need; emotionally, physically or environmentally (change of scenery). Hopefully, knowing this will help you give your wife the support you can... Above all, don't downplay her depression. There are many times one cannot pinpoint what is causing the episode. Be there for her without being suffocating. Walk over and give her a hug. No reason, just do it and tell you how much you love her and want to be there for her. Never leave her guessing. Let her know how you are feeling. For me, I sit wondering (internalizing) what my depression is doing to my husband. Talk openly about it. Be gentle to both of you. Be spontaneous! Gently force your wife to go somewhere with you. For me, one of the most difficult things is to get going. Sometimes, it takes my husband suggesting to do something and nudging (philosophically) me to get moving. It frustrates him having to do this, but unless he does, nothing happens. Take some of the decision making pressure off of your wife. Make suggestions for dinner and include her in the choice..."let's have spaghetti or a salad for dinner, which would you prefer? Either would be fine for me" for example. This lets her know what you are in the mood for and she doesn't have the (this is of course if she does the meal prep) added stress of being creative with the meals. If you think of a family memeber or friend of hers that could help, call and ask them to call your wife. It helps knowing that people are concerned and want to help. There is nothing wrong with building a support group for both you and your wife. Remember, take care of yourself as well. You could ask a friend to visit with your wife while you go out and see your friends. There is nothing wrong with that. If she is in therapy, after a session, ask how it went. If she wants to talk about it...she will. Having you ask helps

Andee- sorry to hear about your wife's situation. She may be INF because if she has a lot of feelings she has not talked out with anyone because of being introverted, it might have made her condition worse. My husband is ESTJ. We are opposites... One thing that helped me, is talking out all the bad stuff that happened in the past with phsychiatrists. After a while of talking, you become less shocked at what happened in the past, and it helps you to put it behind you. It sounds like she may have been through a lot, especially because of the cutting. When people cut themselves, it is because they feel like they have spaced out, and are not alive in the flesh, they want to feel like they are really alive and there. The spacing out could be caused by trauma in the past, that she cannot face up to, or things happening now that she cannot face up to. It sounds like she overcame the cutting, but is now at another low point. This is serious business when she took all her meds. She needs someone to love her as much as possible, and she needs a really good psychiatrist who can help her feel loved and understood; maybe some group therapy for both of you for the depressed and the spouses of the depressed. My husband and I took another couple to a group like that, and it was very releasing for the couples to open up to the problems they are facing together. Show her you care, get her professional help, and get as many friends that you can to help her and you. Surround yourselves with support as much as possible. We all need other people in our lives. The problem is, most of us do not get the attention we need. The medication I take now has helped me, the 12 step program for those who suffer panic on the sister site has helped me face some of my fears, and just being able to spill my feelings on this site has helped also. When I have no one to talk to I now come to the computer and talk online. Maybe she might feel better if she also talked it out. But maybe she is too sick at the moment.. Also, don't forget prayer. Pray together, pray with her and for her, she may feel that god does not want to listen to her if she is really depressed. God is the friend we can all turn to when we feel alone. Read something encourgaging to her from the bible.

Andee, Welcome to the site. Your situation indeed, is a difficult one. Is your wife under medical care currently? You need to ask her docotr how you can help, or perhaps try a clinic that can give you sessions. Please continue to share your thoughts with us. There are many people within this support group that share the same questions and concerns as you. We are all a group of individuals who support each other. If you look to the left of the screen under "TOOLS" you will find many supportive tests. These tests are not diagnostic tools and are not a replacement or substitute for a physician's advice. The purpose of these tests is to prepare you with information that you can present to your physician. When you're finished the test, you can either print your Final Report or email it directly to your doctor. Perhaps this will better help assess the situation for all of you. Keep strong and faithful by her side, exhaust all avenues. You both need each other. We are all here for you, Josie This message was edited by Josie, Support Specialist on 9/10/2004 @ 8:47:49 PM

my wife could be INFP The one's I can be sure about without doubt are: Introverted Feeling she's introverted, & doesn't feel up to facing people she's feeling, so doesn't cope very well & feels down She may be intuitive (she's good in an emergency, well I'm an S and I'm no good because I need input) She may be P, (she's a logically minded person, but illogical in how she perceives other's reactions. I'm a J which I think means I weigh up what people say & what I say, however she knows the best things to say in social situations, whereas I don't, so she says) How did you crack depression unrequitted? My wife feels some very painful emotions but I can't judge what she needs- she is rejecting intimacy now. I want to know what to say /do that might help. I'm ISTJ She 33 me 28 she o/d 8 day ago used to self cut. Married 4 yrs good except I've said things which hurt.

I = Introverted as apposed to E = Extroverted N = Intuitive as apposed to S = Sensing F = Feeling as apposed to T = Thinking Cognitive P = Perceiving as apposed to J = Judging Everyone has all of the above eight catagories inside them in varying degrees, however those who get higher scores in the test on the Introverted and Intuitive side of the brain tend to be plagued with more feelings of not fitting in or feeling different than others, and that can lead to depressive feelings. The whole idea of cognitive therapy is to ignore the feelings that come up if they are negative and to replace them with positive cognitive or thinking based logic about everything that happens to us. If we are more Feeling; in otherwords, if we are more emotional or tend to go with our gut feelings more than we do with our logical cognitive mind; then we will end up having more problems in dealing with people and life. Then add to that, if we are non-judgemental we may end up not judging enough to protect ourselves from danger and on the otherhand may like everybody. This could be dangerous too. Because others can hurt us, even though they say, only if we let them. Well, what if your natural tendancy is towards the INFP side of things? You will have a harder time being understood by others, that is for sure. Because this type of person is only found in 2% or less of the population world wide. Most people are on the other side of the spectrum. I guess you could say that anybody who falls into one of the smaller percentages of "types", of which there can be 16 combinations of this type of analysis; would feel a little on the outside of things. Anyway, that's how I feel personally. I took another personality test which was a little different, and it came out that my type was only found 1 time in 33,000 people. So how much of a chance do I really have of finding friends that really understand me? Well, o.k. maybe that is stretching it a little, however that is how I really feel. Please remember I am more of a feeling person than a cognitive thinker. But in order to love ourselves, I believe we do need to love ourselves for our strengths and not dwell on our weaknesses. INFPs are usually outstanding in fields of writing, imagination, sciences, et

Dear unrequited: What is an INFP personality type?