Well, to cut a long story short, it was a relationship that had lasted two years, a relationship outside of my family if you see what I mean. It began when I was pretty well at my lowest ebb, and I felt, and still do, that meeting the lady in question saved my life. However, as time went by I became increasingly obsessed with her. In my head she became my angel, my saviour, my goddess. We continued seeing each other, but I lacked the courage to tell her how I really felt, and I knew that, due to circumstances I can't go into here, that we would/could never actually be together.
Last week, I realised that this could not go on. It was exhausting, eating away at me, and as I said I was dwelling in a sort of fantasy land, thinking like a besotted teenager. The rest of my life felt like it was coming together again at last, and this had to end. So I told the other party that it was best, fairer on both of us, if we didn't meet any more, because I had fallen in love with her and it hurt me that we could never really be together. And it wasn't right to carry on seeing her casually whilst suppressing my feelings.
Her response? 'It doesn't matter if I don't see you any more, because I never liked you.'
At that moment, it felt like a kick in the gut. All my fond memories, all the illusions I had built, came tumbling down in a second.
But, you know, she did me a favour. I've learnt several lessons from this, and if we had parted on good terms I would have held on to my false image of her. As it is, she's shown herself to be hardhearted and petty, and not worthy of my affection.
Now, a few days later, I'm still saddened that it ended nastily, and still mourning, to an extent, the loss of this particular dream, but I know it was for the best. I can count my blessings, get on with life without the exhausting intensity of this relationship.
