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for 8 år siden 0 +0 / -0 421

Thanks everyone. I agree that being active is important to making this work. And Foxman, I like what you said about paying attention to what's going on between the ears!

I remember a counselor telling me once years ago---when I was worried I might be drinking to much because I had started blacking out and scaring my husband so I went to her for like 6 months---that it takes 7 to 9 day's for the booze to get totally out of your brain. That most people will drink on that 7th day. So, I think a 3 month total abstaining seems intense--but I've done it 4 times (3 kids and the one miscarriage but that was like pretty far into the pregnancy) for over a year each time with my kids and breastfeeding. I stopped thinking about it. It was outside influences that brought it back into my brain. People think they are doing you a favor by offering to take you out for a drink or bring home a bottle of wine or just drink it at dinner. They are doing a favor because after all you've gone so long without it's time for a treat. God! That's when it's hardest for me because it starts the cycle all over again. The entire thing....drunk, moderation, drunk, moderation....I find it hard to own up to the not drinking. Its been part of my identity for so long---I'm the party girl. I'm the wild child.....Not I'm the one that threw up on the first row at a concert (including my husband), not I'm the one that drove my car to my exhusbands street sat there watching the house because my kids were with him and I was so lonely to see them. Passed out in the car, woke up puked, drove home at 5am and had a full search party looking for me! (this was long, long before my 3 year old). My point is I have to change my thinking. I do like the tired of thinking about drinking philosophy. It makes sense to me.

Sorry for the long winded response....I think I'm thinking outloud. Feel free to stop reading. LOL

Thanks guys! :-)

for 8 år siden 0 +0 / -0 286

Hi Nodrama,

I did that 100 Day challenge on tiredofthinkingbaboutdrinking. She offers lots of support both paid and free, and now has a book out. I found that having a concrete goal in front of me really helps me to stay focussed. I also found the Bubble Hour podcast really helpful as a daily support to listen to. Best of luck!

for 8 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1562

ND,

The first thing people do when they realize their drinking has gone out of control, is to start moderation. And that continues for a while and then they realize that, that too is not working. Its in the 3rd phase its when people find that while some of them are able to stop on their own, some need some drastic help. You alone can decide whether you can stay stopped. See how your emotions are. Are you bored, depressed, anxious.... you could add other symptoms. These are the conditions that leads us back into drinking or other substances. Take action and best of all stay connected. This disease wants us to hide in the closet. I go to 1/2 house on Wednesday, its been almost 4 months and none of the original people have stuck around. They just vanish. This is a mind related issue, so, I stay mindful of what is going on between the 2 ears.

for 8 år siden 0 +0 / -0 348

My vote would be to take it! I truly believe that the advice that was given to me here by Ashley (Health Educator); a 3 month break is needed to be able to adequately access a behavior. The decisions made by someone who is trying to access a behavior after less than 3 months is not a accurate, the behavior is still "talking."

At first the thought of not drinking for 3 months was down right scary, I mean what the heck was I going to do??? Alcohol was my night time friend and now I couldn't have it---couldn't have it for 3 months! After a few weeks without alcohol I began to realize that it was actually comforting knowing that I didn't have to worry about drinking for 2+ months. Weird---at the time I thought alcohol brought me comfort. It got easier as time went by and I find that there is life without alcohol, a life that you will can find as well, and it is a good one :)

You can do this ND, there are many people here that will support you!

Lynn

for 8 år siden 0 +0 / -0 421

Hi everyone! Thanks for the positive posts and ideas.

And Cryptkeeper I wish I could fly around fighting crime-- would be fun.

Yes TS we do have th creative moderation team here. Lol.and as I've said before some people are very good at it but, I think the point thay was made about waiting to binge is a good point. And it leads me to realize I had began to do that. I was looking forward to my nite to drink. Planning for it, makes my sure we had a babysitter, dinner plans, extra drinks at home a bottle open before dinner so I could as the rider in the car take a to go cup with. And I was always edgy the day after. Could be detox ? Tso recommended to me the site "atired of thinking about drinking". It's Awsome and I'm thinking of taking that 100 day challenge on it. What do you guys think?

for 8 år siden 0 +0 / -0 286

Hello All,

NoDrama: I absolutely agree that it really is a personal and unique journey for all of us and no experience is wasted if it helps us to see clearer. Hoping things are going well for you as you work through the tough first while.

ToxicSoul: Your raise some really interesting issues. For me, moderating did increase my desire it seemed for drinking and drinking began to consume my thoughts. My wine glasses got bigger, if I was only having one it would be a big one. At times, I would be sneaking an extra half glass, although I had promised my husband I would only have one. Although I was able to have just one at times with no problem, at others it was very difficult.

I would define a "normal" drinker as someone who doesn't spend time thinking about drinking. The obsessive thoughts about when will I drink, how much, will there be enough, is it okay to have another drink already etc etc. are not part of their repertoire. I think that they can take or leave alcohol. While they may enjoy it, they don't feel the need for it. Perhaps they have not used it as a strategy to numb emotions and difficult times, to reward themselves. I do believe that the abuse of alcohol is a learned behaviour and that it can change our reward system so it doesn't function in a normal way anymore.

Thanks for thought provoking questions ToxicSoul and great to see you back!

for 8 år siden 0 +0 / -0 345

Hi ND!

Congratulations on day two! I always find the first few weeks to be the most difficult and where you need to be really mindful of all triggers.

The whole July thing is really interesting. I’m wondering if you’ve dissected your history to see if there are correlations to any emotional or traumatic events in your past that occurred in July. Could be the worst or best times in your life, certainly something that is roaming in your subconscious.

Normal/Abnormal drinker debate has many definitions. Some claim you’re abnormal if you can’t stop once you’ve had that first drink. Other’s claim that, if you’ve had a couple of drinks and are satisfied with that, you’re normal. Well, I’ve had a couple and didn’t want more plus I can stop after having just one. The “not normal” part for me is that I’ll get a bottle of wine and plan to drink the whole thing by myself all alone. It’s the whole planning to get drunk, making sure I have enough booze to get drunk and planning my time so that I won’t be interrupted during my drunk. I believe the “not normal” aspect of drinking is individualized and very personal. Although we share similarities, we all have our own mo.

I have noticed something that we all do share, is the many creative ways we try to moderate. Moderating is in my opinion, exhausting and frustrating. So frustrating in fact that I believe it exacerbates a binge. You’re always thinking about drinking whereas if you decide to abstain, you only think about it when a trigger presents itself. Although, for some of us that could still mean we’re always thinking about drinking lol.

I’d be interested in hearing what others on this forum believe to be what a “normal” drinker is.

T.S.

for 8 år siden 0 +0 / -0 113

Hey NoDrama,

I hope you're feeling better today. I wanted to add that for me, trying moderation may not have worked, but it was certainly what I needed to try/go through in order to get me to where I am today. Now when I think about drinking I remember vividly the times I tried to moderate, and they were so terrible/difficult/upsetting. This has deterred me from going back to trying even one drink. I am certain now because of my past experience with moderation, that it will never work for me. I may successfully moderate one time, perhaps two, maybe ten... but it's always the same. Eventually I'll have a night like you had... where something just takes over, and I wake up with regrets.

So perhaps you were meant to have these negative experiences with moderation so that you, like me, could come to a definite decision to quit altogether. You are so supportive to us all in these forums. I look forward to supporting you in whatever you decide is best for you.

for 8 år siden 0 +0 / -0 154

Good morning Nodrama and all,

I have been having success with my moderating with drinking, and to be totally honest, I never in a million years thought I could.

I drink at most 2 to 2 1/2 700 ml tall cans of 5% beer per night...that's it! My mind seems to be programmed now not to ever desire to drink hard liquor, wine or 6 to 10% beer any more.

One thing I do to help me moderate my drinking and keep me honest is drinking along with my 5% beer a big tumbler glass of apple cider vinegar (which is very good for you - you can read up on the benefits on the Internet) with ice cubes and water and/or orange juice. I simply alternate between the two all evening. Of course with all this liquid, you can pretty much imagine that my washroom is getting to know me pretty good, on a first name basis actually, by my frequent need to urinate.

As for your slip Nodrama, you know what? Alcoholism is a disease. No need to give yourself a guilt trip and keep on beating yourself up or justify yourself to anyone. You recognized it, you admitted to it and now you desire to take action to correct it. You cannot ask a person to do more! And, yes, you probably will have more slips in the future (or I could be totally wrong). When and if they happen, do the exact same: recognize it, admit to it and try again. Sooner or later you're going to have success, because I sense that you are a determined person who perseveres until she has success.

So no more guilt trips or feeling bad about yourself OK Nodrama? You're human for crying out loud, not a supernatural being with supernatural powers, or maybe you are and are flying around the city at night battling crime (I'm kidding of course)!

You're entitled to screw up and make mistakes...we ALL do, NO EXCEPTIONS!

for 8 år siden 0 +0 / -0 421

Thanks Flipflopmom, Lynn123 & Julie,

Your posts are very encouraging. I was looking at my start date on here and reflected back to where I was when I first came here. God, I was a total mess. Looking back at myself then through eyes now and I have to wonder why I even wanted to moderate. You are all so right. It is better to not have it in my life. It is a hampster wheel!! That's a great metaphor, Flipflopmom!

I was cooresponding with Toxic Soul today and last night about this whole moderate business and she had a good point too. That we are not normal drinkers-- and that clicked with me too. You see I think I was trying so hard to moderate and fit in with my impression of society. I have spent my entire life trying to be normal and fit in. So, in my mind not being able to EVEN HAVE A FEW every so often made me this outcast or too different. Someone that needed to be "handled". What I've realized is that in reality because I am not and never will be a normal drinker, I made it my mission to prove I COULD drink...but I really cannot. I cannot moderate by myself and what kind of life is it to put myself in the cage of my own creation where my husband has to watch me like a hawk because he's worried I might fall off the wagon of the moderation promise---which happened. Does that make sense? It is powerful to be in control and we really aren't in control when alcohol is involved. Alcohol is in control. I feel so stupid. Plus for some reason I fall apart every July. I don't know why but historically it's happened.

I've gotten through things without drinking and you guys are all right it's way easier. Julie, I like that saying "Moderation works-- until it doesn't!" Then it really doesn't work.

So here's what I think and what I try to do. I look at it as a few steps back but, not erasing the progress. This is a journey that I've been on since July 2014 and this is just a twist in the road.

Thanks again for the support everyone.

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