I have the feeling I am back to day one. Been hanging around with a very heavy drinker for 3 days and could not kick him out of my house because he was passing out all the time. I finally managed to lock the door on him when he went to buy more wine. I turned off the lights and let him bang on the door until he finally stop. I was scared the neighbours would call the police because there is a court order that he cannot be close to my home. I saw my advisor on Wednesday and he told me not to take it as failure but to be more attentive at what I feel when I decide to drink, that the idea of having a drink usually starts 1-2 days before we actually take it (when we are sober for a few days anyway). He knows I drink because I am often lonely so we modified our 2 weeks plan again. I am self employed and don't see many people beside clients. The plan for the next 2 weeks is to do something fun on Friday or Saturday, go to an AA meeting on Sunday night or Monday and work 2-3 nights per week like I usually do. Have not drink today and don't feel the need. Hopefully it will last for a few more days. One day at the time and from one craving to the next one.

Thank you so much Julie, ND, foxman and Ashley for your words of support. It has been a busy week but I got through to day 9 and am feeling good. Like you ND, I find it take a little while, a week for me, to get over the cranky irritable feeling I have after stopping drinking. But it is smoothing out now. I really relate to what you said about alcohol preventing us from being able to connect with our self and with the moment. That is so true. When I'm drinking or thinking about drinking, I am not fully present and I know my kids feel that. To answer your question Ashley, I think exercise has been helpful for me to deal with stress and boredom so I am trying to get back into 4-5 days per week of exercise. I find that I also tend to overeat or even binge on junk food when I am bored and this really increased my feelings of unhappiness and stress, so staying away from that vicious cycle is also really important. I am working on getting my eating back on track, and that help keeps me more level. The fall and early winter are particularly stressful for me because of very long work hours, but that is also resolved now and I feel I have better balance and more time for myself and self-care... Thanks for all the support everyone, it is much appreciated!

I was so happy about myself. Not drinking for 6 days and I had a situation that made me angry and I went to buy a bottle of wine, at least it was not a liter. I kept repeating myself I have to learn to cope with those situation, had no cravings but did it anyway. I find myself so stupid and feel like the wine is so thick in my mouth, almost close to disgusting. BUT, I drank the f** bottle anyway. One day at the time. I will be back on track tomorrow

I was so happy about myself. Not drinking for 6 days and I had a situation that made me angry and I went to buy a bottle of wine, at least it was not a liter. I kept repeating myself I have to learn to cope with those situation, had no cravings but did it anyway. I find myself so stupid and feel like the wine is so thick in my mouth, almost close to disgusting. BUT, I drank the f** bottle anyway. One day at the time. I will be back on track tomorrow

Ashley, Health Educator

Recovery begins with a realization that we can't safely drink alcohol ever again. Thats the first step in recovery. And then we seek solution on how to handle life (emotions) without the help of alcohol. 

Hi Simmy! I think that we have to try out moderation to see where it fits into our life--or not.  I myself have been a member here for a while. I don't always post---but I'm going to try to be more active this year. I also have small children. And while I've gone through periods 100% alcohol free life I've always come back to it in moderation and been successful---until the years after my divorce, remarriage and miscarriage and pregnance (alcohol free of course) and almost the 1st year of life of the baby. Then we had a death in our family and boom I was off the charts into what I know now was bigger than just the baby blues...with that said things became really dark for me for a while. One day at the end of my life almost--I found this place. And with it was able to achieve what I had not in the past. Find a place to vent, work through my problems and feel that I wasn't such a bad person because I could actually help those with the same problem as me.  You have found a good place to help.  No one will judge and you can lay out your darkest thoughts, secrets and know you are in total privacy.  That is what really was the turning point for me.  I am now back to being almost 100% alcohol free.  Yes, I do have a drink occasionally---but only with my husband.  I have only had one instance where I feel like I over did it and  that old me tried to jump back in---that snapped me back into reality that I really have to always watch myself.  Here's the thing....alcohol is really not relaxing, it's all a con.  It sucks you into thinking you need it...And forget about being a role model for your kids, be in the moment with them. That's what alcohol sucks away from us.  Being really able to connect to be our true selves. It's bad for our body, it's bad for our soul it owns us if we let it.  And if I get to comfortable with it---it will kick my ass.  My point is that with most of us here, there is not point to drinking unless we get a buzz and then we bloom into having to keep it going...and going and going.  I enjoy wine. I am not going to pretend like I don't.  Wine does not enjoy me! LOL. My husband is great at being a partner with me through the valley that is too much indulgence. I think that you should be proud that would were off it for over 160 days! I find that if I do drink in moderation--I am really hateful the next 2 days and feel distant and just unhappy. That's my brain trying to hook back up that spiderweb of alcohol to suck me back in. Once you get past the fist week it's easy. Search for your triggers...find new ways to satisfy them. That's the real secret.  And always be mindful that as you said---it's just a drink away and you never really know until you know. Hang in there Simmy and I'm here for you! You can do this!! I've been in the same place and I did it! 

Simmy, so glad to see you back and thanks for reminding me about the reality of relapse and the need to always be aware of that possibility.  Sorry to hear that your attempt at moderation didn't work.  Disappointing but probably good to know too.  Thinking of you and sending strength as you start out.

I'm back after an unsuccessful attempt at moderation following a stretch of over 160 days alcohol free.  I want to look towards 100 days again, but for now my goal is to reach 30 days. I have been reminded that while alcohol offers some benefits like easy relaxation, there are many costs to my health, productivity, and self-esteem, not to mention it just doesn't fit in with how I want to parent and the type of role model I hope to be for my children. I am surprised how easy relapse is at any time. Even though it does get easier, it's always just a drink away. At least this day 3 is easier than my last day 3, since I've had quite a bit more practice. I realize I need to focus on finding balance in my life and learn more ways to deal with boredom and stress.