Hi Rachele,
Im in a sort of similar situation also. For the last 4 years, being around my b/f was my ultimate escape from panic and anxiety. Whenever I was with him, I felt safe and had a pretty normal life. And i even cured myself a lot from this 'disease' for 2 whole years!!
A month ago, I had a huge Panic attack and it started all over from the begining. Ive hit depression and couldnt leave my house or his place. Ive kept him trapped inside for over 4 weekends now. And since I also had some panic at his place, now sometimes the place itself triggers attacks and anxiety for me (the only place I felt sooooo safe).
Ive been doing much better for ther last few days but now when I think of seeing him on the weekend I get anxious instead of feeling safe like I used to. I think one of the main reasons why I worry is because Im scared of losing him or tiring him and Im scared of dissapointing him and myself....because we are young and we need to go out places...
he has been amazing through this all because I cant think of anyone else at such a young age sticking around for 5 years and helping me out; but I cant help but feel guilty for bringing him in w/ all this **** im dealing w/ :(
On the issue of sex, when i think of it, it feels a little scary because along w/ it comes the fast heart beat, sweating, out of breath etc which we all hate b/c thats some of the symptoms we feel while we're anxious/paniky. However, when I force myself to get into it, I find its one of the few activities in which I completely enjoy and which gets rid of my panic disorder because Im concentrating on me and him and what were doing:) And sex after all is an important part of the relationship...
Take care sweetie, and let us know how you do
ciao, xoxo
Bianca
