Thanks for all your suggestions Kelly and Bonnie. Well the dreaded conversation came up again with this person recently and I survived thank God. I was going to go with the I got to get off the phone after 30 minutes plan but instead I just told myself that no matter what he said I was going to be OK with it all. The conversation lasted way too long 2 hours (I somehow didn't have the discipline to stop it). Anyway the conversation seemed to be a much more detached conversation and I tried to not be heated in making or winning the conversion with my points. I also pushed the idea to go do something alternative to the phone thing so we talked about meeting up to do a hike in the future. Anyway I will say I was a little stressed after the conversation but it was much better than the first time. I thought wow I'm dealing with this a little better this time and the straws were kind of fun to play with. I thought to myself I'm not letting someone's comments be taken so seriously that I have to have a smoke over it. NOPE. Later I had another heated talk with my sister and I survived that one too so something must be working better. I's all about relearning or re wiring my old smokers brain, and not letting someone else be an excuse to light up again.
Ron
My Milage:
My Quit Date: 6/17/2008 Smoke-Free Days: 34 Cigarettes Not Smoked: 612 Amount Saved: $153.00 Life Gained: Days: 5 Hrs: 4 Mins: 42 Seconds: 7
Ron that must have been tough- but hey you didnt cave in to the craving and as hard as it was you did it, you beat it. I am not able to offer alternative trigger advice any different to the advice already posted but I did just want to say I was so proud that you didnt give in to the cravings and what must have been a very close call- well done Ron
My Milage:
My Quit Date: 5/10/2008 Smoke-Free Days: 49 Cigarettes Not Smoked: 1,225 Amount Saved: $735.00 Life Gained: Days: 5 Hrs: 19 Mins: 24 Seconds: 56
I had a friend like that, Ron. I call it a "toxic relationship". I had to back off, then back off some more, then just end the friendship. Any relationship that upsets my peace and serenity or jepordizes my happiness is not worth it. I have to look at my friendships etc. and find out if they are healthy for me as well as the others in my life, am I getting out of them as much as I am giving? I have lived unhappily for a number of years and just a few years back, done a lot of work on me. My life is too valuable and too short to live with unhealthy relationships.
Now, as far as this being a trigger for you... stay away. I had to stay away from my computer in the beginning except for about 10 mins a day to come here. My computer room was my smoking room, HUGE trigger. I only had my morning coffee once i got to work and in my non-smoking office also. Any triggers like that, I had to stay away from for the first 2-3 weeks.
Hope something I said made sense and helped you out.
My Milage:
My Quit Date: 1/7/2008 Smoke-Free Days: 172 Cigarettes Not Smoked: 3,096 Amount Saved: $1,207.44 Life Gained: Days: 15 Hrs: 14 Mins: 28 Seconds: 19
Hi Ron, I explained to some friends that conservations would be simple & short for awhile.. that the phone ( instant msg) was a trigger ....
you could try cutting some straws to cigarette length to play with, suck air thru.. red licorice.
tootsie roll pops, suckers. ice chips/..
I read someplace that it takes 21 days to change a habit.. (well it takes much longer for the nicotine addiction)
You could try moving the phone to a different spot, do some word find puzzles or play solitaire or a card game.. if you don't have to concentrate to hard on the conversation.
It gets easier, but I used the phone and computer in shorter periods to start.
Be honest with him, I am sure he wants you to succeed also
My Milage:
My Quit Date: 2/10/2008 Smoke-Free Days: 138 Cigarettes Not Smoked: 2,346 Amount Saved: $469.20 Life Gained: Days: 19 Hrs: 19 Mins: 38 Seconds: 0
The best thing you can do is be honest. Tell him how you fell and how you're feeling temptations to smoke. This will only be temporary, in the mean time, keep your conversations shorter for the time being.
I have a really bad trigger that I get concerned about how to deal with. It's a friend of mine who is what I call a high baggage friend meaning he has a lot of issues he wants to discuss that sort of gets my juices flowing. When I smoked I would smoke the most when I was talking with him. I liked the conversations when I was smoking because we would talk about spirituality, growth, and talk a long time on the phone and it was stimulating especially while smoking and drinking. Well I was a little concerned that whenever this conversation with this friend was going to happen (since I stopped smoking) was going to be difficult on me. Well that event happened yesterday and as the conversation carried on I started to get more cravings for cigarettes. He was laying a lot of his baggage on me about his current issues and wanting support and such but I started to just have this really strong urge or trigger that I needed a cigarette. I started to get very depressed and wanted to get off the phone but every time I thought the conversation would end another topic came up and it felt kind of horrible. I like this friend and I think I can find a way to make a conversation work without these triggers to smoke but I'm just not sure how to handle this. It's almost like the stimulus overload starts to then turn to wanting a cigarette. It's like going through 2 hours of group heavy therapy and walking away unscathed. Any suggestions out there for these types of situations.
Thanks,
Ron
My Milage:
My Quit Date: 6/17/2008 Smoke-Free Days: 10 Cigarettes Not Smoked: 180 Amount Saved: $45.00 Life Gained: Days: 1 Hrs: 13 Mins: 53 Seconds: 50
