Hi Maggie: I swore to myself I was going to go have a tea and get away from the computer when I read your message. You havn't said the big J word but I know you're thinking it. I have had a very similar experience - different people, time events but same problem. It is all stemmed on jealousy. I too suffer the same problem and it is much worse now that I have the anxiety because now, I actually have a reason for my husband to leave me if he wanted too. I have to - and you do too -realize that this IS all in your head. It has not been acted on.(unless he has and then you really do have something to worry about). It is not helpful to replay the past in our heads but we often do it. Try to remember that he is with YOU now, would he be if he wanted to be with that other girl? My husband always knows when I have too much time on my hands I start to act funny (because I have time to think of all the what if's). I guess the answer to our question here is - do not provide ourselves with the time to dwell on the past! Lets do something! Lets live in the present! It's easier to say than do, and I am guilty so I can hardly talk, but maybe we can encourage each other out of it?

I am new to this group and was so happy to find your post, Lea. I constanltly hang onto the past, but it is always one part of my past. Two summers ago my bf and I lived far apart while he was on an internship and we weren't getting along at all. He had an attractive female coworker that he went golfing with a couple of times along with the guy she was semi-dating, and then she mentioned to him to give her a call if he decided he wanted to go out one Sat night bc a bunch of her friends were all going out. So he and his roomates decide they were going out and he called her to let her. He said he called her because he thought it would be fun to go out in a big group instead of him and two guys, and that her semi-bf would have come,and he would never do anything with someoen he worked with. However, I can not let this go and CONSTANTLY worry about it. I know nothing happened, but I keep worrying about what he wanted to happen since he did say that summer he was thinking of breaking up with me and was wondering what else was out there. So what I do, two years later, is I sit and play scenarious of when the three of them golfed together, and what he was thinking when he called her and how he felt about her. Even though I know he didnt do anything. It gets so bad that we fight about it all the time, even now. I will be good for a few weeks and then it comes back up. When I worry about it I can not think about anything else, my heart races, I cry, I can't do anything. There have been days that I've sat and stared at my computer screen all day long at work worrying. I know that he is getting tired of this, but I cant help it. He's put up with this for the last two years, and I'm afraid that his patience is going to wear thin and I will ruin our relationship over this. I recently went to the doctor and he gave me Lexapro (10 mg) and xanax to use as needed until the Lexapro starts working. Is anyone on anything and does this help the constant worrying/anxiety I get over such an issue? Am I being dumb and is this something I really should worry about?? I can see my life passing me by while I worry about this stuff and I just want to be optimistic with no worries enjoying life. HELP!!!! (btw, I'm 24 years old and I've always had higher worrying/anxiety

Hi Everyone: This is a really good topic. I thought I was the only one who obsessed over the past. For me, its usually the recent past. Since I have social phobia, I usually replay imbarressing momments that happened around people especially if I have a panic attack or am very anxious in front of them. I think my heads going to explode thinking about it, and I have a gut wrenching feelings in my stomach. I try not to think about them, but they just pop in my head. I guess thats just another symptom of anxiety. Hey Kriskraft: I hope you're talking to a dr. or therapist. You don't need to go thru it alone. I've never gone thru a divorce, come close to separating, though. I can imagine how are it is. Keep coming to this web-site, there are a lot of good supportive people here and it helps to feel less alone with your anxiety/depression. Carol

yes, I don't know how to stop it. My wife is divorcing me because of the illness and depression

I'm pretty new here too, but wanted to add my two cents. I was just thinking about this topic this morning. I constantly dwell on the past. It's like I can't let it go. I think about things that happened in the third grade, about when I was a kid at my grandmothers house etc. I get so depressed about those times (which were all good times) and I start thinking about my own mortality. I spend hours thinking about what it will be like when I learn that I only have a few months left to live. Then I get so scared that I can't breathe. Some cycle huh? I do this everyday when I'm alone. It seems to be better when someone is around to take my mind off of the subject. So how is it that thinking about he past leads to horrible thoughts of the future? When I see old photo albums in the back of the closet, I get upset just knowing that the photos are there of when I was a kid. Just a few thoughts I have...thanks for listening. I want to also tell everyone thanks for participating in such a awsome website. This place is incredible. I can't wait to get home from work everyday to see what everyone has written. It's so nice to know that others understand what I'm saying. thanks again

My wife asked me for a divorce 4 weeks after may dad died. I know that i shouldn't hang on to the past but I live the hell and pain each day. I'm new and any thoughts would be appreciated. K

I want to add to my earlier post on this topic which was short. I used to obsess a lot about things I did or did not do as a child. I also obsessed about my mother dying when I wad ten. A lot of that I can deal with now, but every so often when in a panic or depression cycle it gets hard to deflect the thoughts away. I also have problems when my anxiety level is high with deflecting bad news of the day. It's one reason I do not watch a lot of news. I work at a newspaper and need no other source to find out bad news. I'd rather watch Cold Pizza on ESPN in the morning. It'd also be nice if every day ws a day off. LOL. I live in the current as much as possible and you can too. It just takes a lot of work. I often obssess about dying too but that's another story all together. It's kind of like how people obsess about the past and future and fail to live in the present. David

Thanks for the feedback guys, I thought it was just me but obviously not. I understand what you were saying HennaUK, it can be the most stupid thought that comes out of nowhere - very annoying. All yesterday I made a point of challenging every negative thought I had and every time my mind wandered to the past I tried to quickly occupy my mind with something else. It wasn't till I really focused on that task that I realised just how many negative thoughts I have. It was a tough day trying to keep my mind active and positive - it was like a full time job! Hopefully I can do it again today, I was surprised at how hard it was yesterday! Thanks again for the feedback, it always helps. :)

Oh Lea, all the time! And always the negative stuff. I can't believe what I dredge up. It's not just traumatic events - frequently it's stupid, inconsequential things that any normal person would have forgotten years ago. I can be sitting there, minding my own business, and suddenly a thought zaps into my mind out of nowhere, something i haven't thought about in years - then my heart gives a jolt, begins to race, and next minute I'm having a panic attack. I'm praying the Panic Program will teach me some way of dealing with it, though I know it won't be easy after all this time. But I'm so glad you wrote that. And there's me thinking it was just me.... Henna

You're not alone, Lea. I've dealt with this for a long time. Often it bothers me and often it doesn't. Sometimes it resembles a form of OCD. Which is just anxiety. David