I'm not proud of this, but I had my first cigarette in about 6 months last night after having my worst day in over 3 years. I've been a health and fitness freak my entire life. I used to work as a Personal Trainer if you can believe that.
When I met my wife about 4 years ago, I began smoking. She smokes, one of the few things I don't love about her, and I picked up the habit. It was very difficult to quit, but I stopped cold turkey and I even thought it would help my condition. I was mistaken. My panic attacks have gotten worse.
Yesterday just broke my spirit. I thought I was starting to get better. I went on a job interview and had begun to work out again. I almost broke down at the interview and had one of my worst attacks at the gym and it continued when I got home. The cigarettes seem to calm me down. I feel so low right now. I'm pretty much crying out for help. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Climbing the slippery slope or whatever cliches come to mind. This is not the life I had in mind...
