Oh LJ, I so am with you. Can't tell you how your feelings are much of what I feel everyday. My only difference I think is that once someone is home, I have worked myself up so much and my nerves are so ready to snap that I have no energy to do anything and am hyper critical of everyone and everything. So instead of getting people close to me, I push them away. The very thing I am scared of and I invite it :mad: Have you tried talk therapy at all? I have just started again and hope that will help in conjunction with the meds.

LJ, I went through the same thing. You feel why the h-e-l-l do I even try, if I make such progress only to be knocked back to square one. It seems frutile now, but you will give it a go again. My husband works third shift, and I was so scared of being alone he had to drive me to the next city to stay with his sister during the night. At first, he was telling me, you will be ok, the dogs are with you. I told him, it not that Im scared of an intruder, heck I would welcome them if they only helped me through an attack, they could take anything they wanted !! It all boiled down to what if I have an attack by myself- alone. I yearned for the days he was off work, felt like my weekend for me, I could finally relax and sleep well, even though going to his sister's helped, you just cant sleep soundly in someone else's home, or feel totally relaxed, it was a job itself. But I went back to my doctor, up'd my medication, literally found a new faith in God, and have been staying home alone for 4 months now. Those first couple weeks were a little trying, but I made it thru. And I like you for the life of me couldnt understand why this started happening, I used to be able to do it before, then his mom got ill with cancer and he was home for almost a year with me as we took care of her. I got too comfortable having him here, that when he returned to work I panicked. Same thing as talking on the phone in the midst or onset of an attack, I finally get calm enough, and when its time to hang up, boom it strikes back with a vengenance. But I finally got more sick of worrying about it, than the panic that I "gave in" to feeling Im not going to go back to his sister's again, I feel so displaced, it was exhausting, and I finally exhausted myself to staying at home. Just letting you know you arent alone. Trish

As for this exsposure, I've been getting out everyday since this all started. (3 months, first time in my LIFE and OF COURSE, the first of EVERYTHING for me, MUSt be a doozie) I do, sometimes drive by myself, however, not far, and so long as someone is home. My biggest, HUGEST hurdle, is the being by myself part. I can get out with fiance, and family, and enjoy being out and about with "Little" anxiety, but the MINUTE I'm left alone, boom! So, I've been practicing, and practicing, and still, not able to do it alone. What gives? I was doing it all week, than one night, just MINDING my own business, I noticed it was 6:00 and getting dark, STILL, no one was home yet. I figured, OK, fiance should be strolling in any minute. So I decide to call. HUGE mistake. He was still at the office 40 min. away. Well, I hung up, went about my business, and it STARTED! POUNDING heart, dizzy, and I COULDN'T see. How on EARTH can one chill when one finally feels death? I freaked, a thousand thoughts going through my mind, and to top it off, I dumped my bag on the floor and dumped out the xanax all over, I could GRAB one FAST enough. I felt like a *True* junkie. I felt low. Very low. Is this what my life has come down to? You couldn't pay me the world to take a tylonal, and NOW, I'm sucking on xanax :Mad: So now, my whole exsposure theme is out the door. I dread my next time alone, at home. I can't catch a break. I can't, no matter where I am, for the life of me, feel COMFORTABLE, not even in my own home. The only time I feel good, is sleep. I don't want anyone to tell me who hasn't felt death, how to cope, because they don't get it! I truly know now, what it will feel like, when I die. No one should ever have to feel that on a DAILY basis. EVER! I'm so sick of it! The strongest women in the world, can no longer go to the bathroom by herself! I SWEAR, it's in the food. Maybe I'll stop eating. Yeah, that's it :confuse: I SWEAR, I'm NOT......doing it! I could jump out of an airplane, fight off a robber, now look at me. If this is my life, what will I do! Sick of it! And where do you find those little therapists you see on 48 Hours, who are taking out the panic victims driving, shopping, and ACTUALLY with them doing exsposure therapy? Is that only if you know Dan Rather? I need one of