Melinda,
I tend to obsess more of IF I die, how will my kids go on without me, I know I have a good husband that will provide for them, do things with them,etc, and family. I guess it just boils down to I dont want to die, to miss out on their lives. But then again, I worry how since I am agoraphobic how much it affects their lives, that I cant drive my children to practices and therefore, they havent been able to participate in some sports, for that reason. I feel like I have robbed a part of their childhood. I also fear, by them watching my avoidance behavior, it becomes a "learned" behavior for them. I see subtle changes already, my son had a bike wreck, and needed some stitches, he was afraid and kept asking us, was he going to die, to be honest with him, we kept telling him no. Same goes for if he misses a couple of days of school, its harder for him to go back, afraid of being approached as to "what was wrong with you", even though he was sick, he doesnt like to be put on the spotlight. This has come from me I know. Reason I so much to get better, be more active to be able to physically take them somewhere, to get the learned behavior to stop for them. I dont have any thoughts of hurting my children, only the kind that kept me from driving because I was more afraid that if I wrecked while having a panic attack, I sure didnt want to endanger their lives, or anyone elses on the road. If major stress, causes you to think of physically harming your children, in my opinion, if I had these thoughts, I would call up family or friends, and tell them to come get them, for however long it took, knowing, that if they werent present, I couldnt possibly act upon it. Your well being comes first, getting better, and is in the best interest of your children too.
Trish
