Sorry I just had to post this here and create a link to the rest of the thread. This time in my quit seems very important to me. I hope that you travel along and keep me company on this journey. [quote] AHHHH Here I am on the 18th of January. I forgot to post yesterday about my 11 month anniversary. I have just been very busy at work. Also, just a bit under the weather. I think that very combination is a huge part in what has gone on with me. Also getting back from a once in a life time experience and I haven't set up another goal, another reward, another really pleasurable experience. I did today get my home computer fixed and I can write very nice DVD presentations of the pictures we took while away. That felt good. There is also a corner of my psychie that wonders at having come this far. I never really thought I would make it, other than knowing I would not be able to breath if I didn't quit. If any of you are into body symptoms and emotional content, this thing seems to be centred in my lungs and that is the seat of sadness, grief, lose. I have posted about this briefly in other threads. For me there is a compontent in this quit of getting my life back into my realm of influence. For me to be in charge, not the addict. I have to say that there are piece of great lose at what I didn't live for 36 years. There is a blooming sense of joy at seeing the life that I can and have been able tolive. I truly belive that we can stray to the happy, positive and cheerful side and work or try to dig our heels in there and until we will slide around until we have truly dealt with the other aspects of life and the life that we have given up in order to follow the addiction. So if any of you are familiar with 12 step programs this seems to me to be like steps 7 to 10. Which to me are about taking responsibility and finding forgiveness for the transgessions of the addict. Sorry to be so heavy and my mind is there at this moment. A moment I have taken off in order to post here and work to remain connected and part in this particular Stop Smoking Forum. I wonder right now at what for me is a time of introspection and a time of finding and being in the life I really want to live. So what am I doing to get through, to get on with my life? I am bookin

How cool. I don't usually subscribe to my horoscope and today I looked in the local listings newspaper and this is what was there. [b][quote] To create a pearl, an oyster needs an aggravating parasite inside its shell. It builds layers of calcium carbonate around the invader, gradually fabricating the treasure. How long does it take from the initial provocation to the finished product? Five years for a pearl of average size, and as many as ten years for a big one. I hope that puts into perspective the tenacious work you're doing on your own master project, Libra. It may seem sometimes as if you've been striving to transform your irritant for an eternity, but you're actually right on schedule. [/quote][/b] What serendipity. I love it from all of the aggravation and hurt/pain (my words) comes treasure. HMMMM I kind of like that, the treasure in the well of all of this stuff is my life. The life I always really wanted to life. Physically fit, mentally aware and clear and just all round on the top of my game. Quitting smoking has given me this. Well really I have given me this and the quit has been the catalyst for all of the really great stuff that is and has been happening in my life. And imagine it is all right on schedule, how wonderful is that! Looking forward, not being stuck in the future, but looking and planning and being really conscious of what I am building. This new outlook, totally different than that numbness, the constant chemical fog of the smokes. So here clarity is building and a different and very new life unfolding. What a difference. WOW Cheers, thanks for reading, being there and here, and for all of the hand holding and fantastic support that is here on the SSC. If you are just starting out. Change will happen! Trust me staying quit has been the single most life prolonging and life building quality boost that I have ever made. As a survivor of all kinds of "STUFF" I have made many conscious choices in my life to create, shift, to stimulate and grow change and quitting has been the single most beneficial adjustment that I have ever made. As many here have said in the past, "If I can do it so can you" and you will be successful in this gigantic quit process if you simply never light that next smoke. CIAO Happy Saturda

WOW It is really really cold out there. I have been waiting for this day to roll around. First full day off in a couple of weeks and I am really glad for a bit of free time. WOOHOO! Celebrating the motion of the ocean and the ticking of the clock. 343 days today. MMMMMMMM. Just over 11 months. MMMMMMMMM. Did I ever think that I would make it this far? When I started I really didn't know. I had little trust. Really I took it one day at a time, one crave at a time. Lots of panic and lots of second guessing and those days have passed. I am so glad to see so many new quitters here and new quitters that are clustering together, closing into great groups to support and cheer one another on. Most inspiring and pretty wonderful to watch. I am doing a little celebration, doing a little happy dance as my quit is getting really close to one year. Three weeks from today that meter will roll around to one whole year. I have been planning the reward. I am going to get myself a new digital camera. I am looking forward to that and I know I will be able to use it well in the next year because I am going to be travelling a lot. Swimming is going to be a part of that, beacise I will be swimming in comeptative meets. What an awesome reward for being quit. The ability to swim and, now, I can swim well enough and with enough confidence that I will be let myself compete in masters meets. This could be fun, and I think it will be fun, I know for certain that the people I swim with have fun! There is a place where I wonder and totally rejoice in the swimming gift. The swimming and constantly testing my breathing ability has really helped me maintain my focus on quitting. Because, I really wanted to be able to swimm and I really wanted to be able to breath. I wanted to swim and breath, more than anything else, these I wanted more than smoking. There is a realization in me today, and this realization has to do with what I want and what I am willing to do in order to get what I want. The challenge of quitting was constantly fueled by my huge desire to swim, travel and to live in a much healthier manner. The healthy thing was vert much over shadowed by my desire to swim and my desire to swim has lead into my desire to travel. So my commitment and focus on swimming has

HMMM tonight I am very appreciative of what I have done for myself. Today and in the past 360 days or so. The year is fast approaching. I am busier in my life, I mean really in my life than I have ever been. In my job I need to sit quit close to people. Today seemed to be a steady flow of smokers. I had to fluff my pillows a lot and keep in mind just how important it be that I remain clear and in myself. No judgements! I got to sit from somewhere behind myself and keep focused and not get into how smelly that old clingy smoke was. Oh well this is all new and I will learn and be full in myself. Besides I want that great reward. I am having camera shopping time on Thursday and I know I am going to enjoy. I also get to swim on Saturday and be with the coach I admire the most and she also happens to recognize often that I have quit. Validation from an outside source, always great. My main thought today is tolerance. I will add that to gratitude and patience. Seeking always for the way through. I know this doesn't seem to have much to do with quitting smoking and the tolerance thought came loud and clear from being in the face of residual smoke more times than I wanted today. Seeking the way through was how can I maintain my own integrity and remain non-judgemental. Those people outside in the 25 below wind chill have their own stuff and I need not take any of that with me. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 360 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 9,023 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2880 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 59 [B]Hrs:[/B] 17 [B]Mins:[/B] 2 [B]Seconds:[/B] 39

Celebrating week 46. I have not come on here to celebrate much in the recent past and the celebration of each moment of being quit was for me a key piece in keeping from smoking. When I am celebrating the moment, the accomplishment, the NOPE, the fact that I have got through another moment, hour, day, week or month I cn't possibly be thinking anything else so I celebrate often and with lots of life. Cheers, I am celebrating week 46 and going to enjoy a lovely day of relaxation and joy. Phillip :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 323 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 8,081 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2584 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 53 [B]Hrs:[/B] 11 [B]Mins:[/B] 37 [B]Seconds:[/B] 25

Well today is a back to... Back to work in earnest, back to school, back to the everydays of home life and back to all the things that were left unattended before the big departure. So what does this have to do with quitting, well, here goes. Like with any big reward there is the back to reality moment. With any big reward there is the moment where the reward has happened and I go what's next? How can I top that moment? What do I do next to keep myself walking along the road? So I am going to answer my own question. I need to celebrate the moment for the moment. Whatever I am doing and where ever I am if I celebrate and enjoy the moment I am in I am much more likely to be responding in the here and now rather than being caught up in a junkie moment. So celebrating, moving ahead and taking today for today. No smokes, no desire to smoke and yet when I am walking behind someone smoking a cigarette, I notice that I linger, I wait as long as I can to either move ahead or let the person move farther away. This happens almost every time I am near a smoker. I know that as soon as I catch myself savouring the whiff I need to get back to that I am not coughing all the time, I can swim 1500 meters, I can walk up and down Italian steps and over the hills of Roman roads able to breath freely and without pain. I have so many benefits of not smoking! Yet, I still will savour that whiff even though if I smell it on their clothes or worse yet their breath it is a disgusting thing. So, here I go into the new year committed and committing to be smoke free. I want more than anything to live and especially to live without the degrading and debilitating health effects of smoking. Ciao Hope you are all doing well. The grind of the first few days and weeks is tough and I remember them well. I will not be doing that ever again. These times do pass and the road does get smoother. New habits come in to take the place of the old, be patient, gather your courage and stay on the road to freedom and health. Rob47 if you read this Happy New Year, I hope you are well. To all my other quit buddies and my dear friends here keep the faith, keep the quit, be strong and heres to a fantastic smoke free year. :) Peace Phillip [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]

Here I am back at home. Celebrating the New Year and smoke free. DESPITE having to be around smokers almost everywhere I went from the airports in Germany and Italy to the streets and cafes in both cities and towns. I had to be very careful, especially sitting outside, to pick places where a smoker would not settle down and light up. The airport in Frankfurt was the worst smokers everywhere inside didn't matter. The smell was pretty rank and I must say it did say to me this is so easy you could just do it and then I grabbed hold of my senses and thought about all I have acconplished in the last 10 months. Hooray I made it through and am more firmly resolved than ever. Cheers Congrats to all you smoke free quitters and welcome to all you new quitters. Keep strong! Fight a great fight and you will come through on the other side. Cheers Glad to be back, oh did I say that already, well I'll say it again glad to be back and absoutely delighted to have had such an amazing experience and a wonderful vacation. Fight the fight, freedom is fantastic. Phillip [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 319 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 7,983 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2552 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 52 [B]Hrs:[/B] 19 [B]Mins:[/B] 55 [B]Seconds:[/B] 29

Hello Sorry I am going to ramble on a bit cause I am working to figure this latest mind burp thing out. I go away, there is smoking everywhere. The airports are filled with smokers, Frankfurt was a cloud, not in a romm, everywhere! I was not tempted, I don't want to find out what Turkish cigarettes in Italy taste or smell like, in fact I am the exact opposite, it all stinks. All the smoking stank and was really just nasty. I get back and I have to go to a little corner store yesterday, a store I have never been in, I see all the smokes on display and I am thinking HMMMMM I could try that. I could and I won't. My brain keeps screwing with me. I instead went to work, having scuttled out of the store, the smoking thoughts not really dealt with and I will deal with them here. There was no real crave and that makes it different than last summer and fall. There was only the thought HMMMMM I could try this. As I read the threads of the new ones starting and the people here who have started more than once I am thinking woooow this is way more challenging than I thought. (Thank you all for posting all of what goes on with you! From you I learn.)I hope and imagine that I will be able to stay strong. Part of my strength is my ability to breath, no more coughing and hacking, I can laugh and not be choking, I can swim and swim harder than I have ever swum and be breathless but not that same sucking empty feeling. I keep that image, the image of being able to breath freely and fully very up front in my mind. That how I got through work yesterday afternoon, especially as the thought of smoking would waft through my mind. There is a part of me I believe that is fighting the demon on the old familiar territory, new places and spaces just drift away, the old places seem to have the strongest desires attached to them. Although I never once smoked in my house I smoked on my front porch often. I cleaned all that up, however I still think about smoking on the front porch. The weather right now is very similar to the weather when I first started and the days light and duration are almost the same. These were the times when I would fail in so many previous quits and so I know that I need to be very, very wary, very watchful and remain in my commitment to this healt

Penguin Thank You! More tears, I am sure of fatigue, relief. Danielle, Kaitilina, Thank You! The knowledge that there are others out there is invaluable. :gasp: [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 328 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 8,216 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2624 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 54 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 49 [B]Seconds:[/B] 4

Just adding in this post on a thread. I know that this has to do with other life circumstance and I am proud that I remained smoke free. [b][quote] I am pretty conflicted right now. I need support and I want to celebrate. Don't know if this is the place and here goes. Was up all night with a family crisis, a medical intervention and no sleep. Then to work with a very busy day and lots of pressure. In the stress if what to do, how to respond I thought last night about smoking. I thank heavens I stripped my house no lighters, matches nothing so at 2:30 am there was nothing to do but think about smoking. I didn't. I haven't and the thought was there. In my truth the easy way out, would have been to deal perfunctorily with the situation, get out of the house and through the hospital and go light up. I celebrate that I took the high road and decided to remain in the integrity and greatness of the 320 something days I have of smobriety. So I'll celebrate that I did not smoke. Move on with the minutiae of my life. Yes other battles impinge and impact on the battle to remain smoke free. Medical, family and other stressors add to the angst of quitting and we ultimately get to make that choice. So for today I made the choice to be smoke free. I hope that I can continue to move through the stresses and keep the quit. We will see what happens tomorrow and on and on, one day at a time. I post this thread so that I can clear my mind of this event. Get free from the pressure of this and just simply get on with my day. AND being weak in the moment turn to those that know best and have been with me all along. So thanks Phillip [/quote][/b] [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 328 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 8,215 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2624 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 54 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 40 [B]Seconds:[/B] 28