Dagwench, It sounds to me as if you WERE abused by your family in a certain way. Emotional abuse, intentional or not, is just as powerful as any other kind. I was abandoned by my birth father before I was born, and my mother reminded me every day of my life just how much she hated me for not being the glue that kept them together. After 30 years of her chronic abuse, I stopped to talking to her 2 years ago. My half-brother, who is 8 years younger and full of his own problems, started kicking the **** out of me when I was visiting there and she sided with him. She refused to tell him to stop hurting me, then proceeded to punch me in the face. I walked out of there and have never looked back. It was the most powerful step I've ever taken in my life. Hope

I didn't grow up in an "abusive" family. My parents never beat me (with the exception of spanking which I am now completely against). I was never locked up in a closet or forced to do things that were inhumane. I was never molested. Etc. Nevertheless, my family has been a primary source of my emotional setbacks. I realize that my parents did the best they could, so I don't blame them. My father was pretty typical as a dad, but my mom was and still is a mess. It wasn't until I grew up that I realized how immature she is. She honestly has the social skills of a child who can't understand differences and believes that if she doesn't like somebody, nobody else should like that person either. She would insult me with some of the most horrible words a child could hear from a parent, including "I wish you were never born". I also never felt that she had any pride in me. For example, I would get straight A's and show my report card to her with pride, but all she would say "so what else is new; you always get A's; quit showing off." This isn't to say that there were problems all the time. There were many times when we were very happy and had a great relationship, but I never fullly felt validated because I could never let go of all the hurtful parts. I could never truly trust her. She also is in ill health, but worse is a hypochondriac (spelling?) so she was always convinced there was something else wrong with her. Even worse than that, she was always telling us kids that there were horrible things wrong with us. (When I had mono, she told me I probably had AIDS.) No, I was never "abused" but I honestly don't believe that I had the kind of childhood that creates a problem-free adulthood. My siblings all dealt with it differently. My older sister has a wall around her and her moto is "shut up and get over it". My younger sister was pulled out of school in 6th grade by my mom and has never learned to have a will of her own. Mom tells her what to think, how to act, etc. until finally she developed serious social phobias and is completely convinced that she can't do anything (and I mean anything) by herself. I ended up with panic attacks. Moving out was one big step toward a better life for me. Going to college was another; it really did ch

Hi Elizabeth, I live in Toronto as well. I have panic disorder and a touch of agoraphobia. My situation is very similar to yours. I swear I could have been reading my profile! It's been a few months since your message, how are you doing now?

elizabeth i to have had alot of family stress. i am the oldest of 6 children. my parents divorced when i was 18 and my father moved away. my mother was sick more than not i had to make alot of decisions for her and my brothers and sisters i didn't really want to make. i have finally started to learn you can't change what you can't change. you are not responsible for everyone and everything. take care of yourself mary

I believe the root cause of my panic attacks have been the stressfull household that i live in. I'm 21 I live at home with my family. My mother-diagnosed as mild bi-polar and whose talking lithium My father-who does most of the domestic and parenting duties My eldest sister-who has also been diagnosed as mild-bipolar-(favouring more on the side of depression) And my two younger sisters ages 12 and 8. I have attended university but still haven't been able to find a job that allows me to live out of the house. I live in a city with high rents and hydro bills (Toronto, Canada). I've applied to college next year, to further my education. I have had 4 panic attacks in the past year. I periodically feel depressed and insecure but feel better when im out of my house socializing with friends. I get embarrased very easily and feel insecure about my future and that of my family. I want to run away from everything, but not in a suicide sense. I want to succeed, do what i love (art, film etc.) but i feel my family and their problems are dragging me down. I have so many successful friends (all rich bastards with connections) who are close in age to me and have jobs that they enjoy in the arts. I feel i have talents that aren't being explored and i have potential that im not using. I'm frustrated that i don't have the money to go back to school and not worry about debt or be able to move out on my own. I don't want to wallow....I want to change. I don't want to blush.....I want to laugh I don't want to worry about things like my parents getting sick and dying or getting in a car crash or me getting AIDS, or some other terminal illness. I just need to vent and then start changing my life[size=2]Text[/size]