Dear Michelle,
Very interesting. I have to think about what you said. I mean, I can relate. I try so hard for people to like me - it doesn't 'rule' my life, but, I do feel uncomfortable around most people, especially men. They don't know it, I don't think - and, these feelings have only intensified over the past three to four years. I keep to myself, work at home, write allot of poetry and really love nature. Maybe I am kidding myself - maybe deep down I am totally lonely and have isolated myself at the edge of the sea where I live - so I can deal with my panic attacks alone, hide away from the world - after all, the only on in my family that understands this whole thing with me is my sister. I really try and do the best I can, to survive with this thing - I would hate to admit it has finally got the best of me. It is late, I am tired, Christmas was very hard being here alone - so, after lots and lots of tears, here I sit - posting to people who understand - telling myself to keep going, be grateful and all the other positive affirmations I say all the time. But, deep down, observing the cycle of panic/agoraphobia - it is really lonely and mentally very tiring.
Maria