We know we can't change the past. We 'must let go of it'. Especially if there is truama, chaos or pain there. It sounds to me you are dealing with allot of guilt and lonliness. What are you doing to deal with these very difficult issues? Maria

It wasn't until my 40s did I begin to recognize that some of my behavior may be triggered by anxiety. I am a restless person, while I can sit still, if I am concentrating on something, I can't sit still if I am not occupied. For example, if I am waiting for a bus, after 15 minutes, I start feeling anxious and angry, I start pacing. To diffuse this behavior, I have tried chewing gum or making sure I have something to read. But, I've begun to recognize that I have feelings of anxiety and anger in many situations. I've had therapy and learned alot about family dynamics expcially in relation to alcoholic families. But, sometimes when I am in the grip of anxiety, I am capable of foolish behavior. For example, right now, after I have worked hard for 10 years to be debt free, I am getting anxious that I will not be able to save enough money to make sure I can pay for all the expenses I will need for the rest of my life. To handle my growing anxiety, I have begun to investigate purchasing land. I've gone so far as calling realtors and looking at want ads. But, in reality, buying land would probably be a finacial disaster since I really don't have a lot of money. In the past, what I have done when I've been anxious, I've gotten involved in my community, I've taken second jobs, I will do just about anything to occupy my mind so that I don't have to think about those things that make me anxious. I have not led a perfect life. I have made many mistakes, but when I was young I thought life was about experimentation and trying new things to see if I had an interest in them. But, some of the things I experimented with were not healthy. So, I feel guilty. I am divorced and I feel guilty about that. I feel guilty most of the time and often for no known reason. Plus, my social skills are poor. Combine my guilt of not making wonderful decisions and now with a fear of being broke because I don't know how to really manage money, my anxiety is growing. It sits on my chest. It makes my skin tingle. I don't sleep well. Often I try to feel numb as a way to manage my feelings but nothing is working that's why I look for outlandish projects to occupy my mind. What concerns me is that while I have gained many coping skills, when I am in the grip of anxiety, I feel I don