I've always been prone to depression depending on different triggers in my life. This is due to few traumatic incidences in my life/childhood. Having said that! I've hit rock bottom when my very special and best friend my dog passed away January 27, 2017 of a what believed to be something she might have ingested that was poisonous.
She was young and beautiful. we did everything together, of course circumstances surrounding her death still haunts me. If she only gave me enough time to react to her sickness, she might still be alive today! from the moment she got sick until her actual death was less than 24 hours. she passed away on my bed as that is her bed too.
I saw where she struggled spots on the carpet and the couch before finally making it to the bed. I can't seem to change these images little alone get them out of my mind. her face with her eyes wide open! Sam was her name....
I may have been able to deal with my best friend passing a bit better if it wasn't in the manner that she died.
Anyways! I am having the hardest and worst time I've had in a long time. dealing with the ugly side of weight gain, self image, negative thoughts, finding motivation, not to mention there is financial struggles I was dealing with as well.
I'm on my third week here and I have been trying real hard to stick to some of the activities and thought recording etc...
It seems new situations and struggles keep adding to my situation as my boyfriend seems to fail to completely understand stages of grief. so I find myself griefing alone as I don't think he understands and is sick of it. and as of late our relationship is in bad shape due to struggling with depression and grief.
I seem to be drowning here.
