I'm sorry to say that right now I'm in such a bad place that I just don't care anymore. All this hard work I've put in seems like it's been a giant waste of time. These cycles are wearing me down. All my life I've done and thought what others have told me I need to do and think and right now I figure that's what I'll just continue doing. After all I'm just supposed to suck it up and stop whining. This is how I've felt my entire life, depressed, anxious and useless, guided to where others think I should be and just doing it. Why, at 58, should anything be different now? I will return to work regardless of how I feel because I'm expected to support others needs and wants and I will do what I am told to do like always and just suck it up. I'm not sure if I'll continue the program though it has been a valuable tool. I just can't do it anymore and end up disappointing myself and of course others (the "important" others). I already feel I've let down everyone, so why not just be what they expect of me. I'm really sorry and I do thank you for the words of encouragement these past months. It's been a good place to come but right now I can't do it anymore. I do see my G.P. and my psychiatrist this week, so maybe they can help. I don't know. I really have tried and worked so hard!