Well ... for Tuesday I had planned to work on the pile up of paperwork on my desk... just 10 min. if that was all I could do. I was very busy Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday... cleaning, washing, cooking, running errands, babysitting. It was nice to get so much done... but it wasn't what I had planned to do. I did not tackle the one thing I needed to do.
I had to go back to those CBT questions again... why am I avoiding this task? Is it laziness? Why is 10 min so daunting? Try 5 min. Nope still overwhelming. Is it fear? Fear of what? Is it a rational fear? Sort of, but not really... turns out I have let bills and things sit and get lost over the past three months or so... plus it's tax time and I've lost all the paperwork. By accident? Or on purpose? I just don't want to do it! Why? Fear. Is it rational? Is it a today fear or a longstanding fear. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
The more I tried to focus on the task... and couldn't... I had to sit down and work through the problem. Ugh. I hate the process. I hate going through such questions. I hate dealing with problems head on.... until doing the work actually brings understanding and relief. It took 3 days to resolve but wow! what a different place I'm in today.
I've only been up for a couple of hours, but I have cleared my desk, caught up on the bills, and filed my tax returns. It only took a couple of hours... this thing that has been weighing on me for months. The fear (being drowned by debt) that kept me from taking care of business... turned out to be a waste of energy.
In truth, most of my fear and worry (once faced) turns out to be a total waste of energy. I can manage my life better than I give myself credit for. Oh, well....
Does anyone else find this to be so?