Brightsunnyday... I would also add to what Ashley is saying by suggesting you not take the hormone fluctuations lightly. That alone can cause a great deal of pain and discomfort... and make it impossible to find balance. Have you discussed this with a doctor? I was put on a combination of drugs... (Prozac is one) that finally seem to even things out for me with regard to my menses and crazy hormones. How can we deal with mental issues when we have physical problems making us feel crazy? I sure hope you can get help with this soon. Take care of you and try not to worry so much about other people being "inconvenienced" by your pain. Some people...... sheesh.
Ok I would like you to start challenging yourself every time you start using the word should. Should can create a lot of guilt and can even create impossible expectations for ourselves. Additionally, remember that what would make one person happy may not make someone else happy. We all have different values and get fulfilment and joy in different ways. Expecting to feel good about something because you "should" is not only impossible but can actually quite damaging to your self worth. I want to remind you that you are not your depression.
It sounds like you are expecting a lot from yourself. You recognized that you are depressed. Depression can be triggered by life circumstances but can also be triggered be many other possible causes like biological factors and genetic history. Although it is still important to track your symptoms and possible triggers in some cases you will need professional support in order to try to manage symptoms that may be unrelated to life circumstances. If you have already recognized that your depression could be related to your hormones then that is a huge first step.
I don't understand. When good things happen it should send me on a positive spiral and when something bad happens it could send me on a negative spiral. However, often when good things are happening I am still going down a negative spiral. Then one day something bad will happen and I deal with it just fine, no negativity at all. I find that it is most likely for me to be crying incessantly on Day 18-26 of my menstrual cycle but it is not a guarantee. Why do my moods seem to have NOTHING to do with my actual life. I could be feeling great, recording my thoughts, understanding myself and then one day I feel like I am dying, I can't sleep, I start snapping at people that do as little as just asking me a question. It feels so useless. What I do seems to have no relationship to what I feel. What the heck is going on!?!?
