I second what Goofy says. If there be a why, is it worth our energies to pursue it? I have tried, and it just leads me into more realms of self-blame. Thinking I'm depressed because I deserve it, because I'm being punished (by myself or an outside force) for what I have or haven't done in my life. But this isn't at all constructive, and just leads me round in the tired old circles.
The mental energy required to pursue such a question can be much better spent, I think.
Lance, I think I mentioned before anytime someone gets an illness (chronic) they often go through a grieving process. We get deny, get angry, question why, etc. I can assure there is no answer to the "why?". There are various scientific theories about what causes depression. You might want to read the section on grieving. If you go to toolbox and look down at the list on the right hand side, it will be located in the section below "depression program".
My spiritual beliefs lead me to ask "why not me?"
Any chronic illness and many decisions we make in life 'cause impact on our families and vice versa. I know from my own experience trying to continue to figure out "why" is spinning your wheels and getting you know where. Working on moving forward with what we do have (we do have alot) and set goals to where we want to be.
Lance if you'll focus on this program and working through the sessions then you will get where you've indicated in your posts that you want to go. Work hard; think about the sessions; work the program.
It is true depression can be very difficult to understand. The important thing to keep in mind is that you are working on making yourself a better, happier man. You have made that wonderful video that you kindly shared with us, you are working through the program and you are working on exposing yourself to things such as driving. We are here for you.
I still dont understand why we get depressed and some dont. It saddens me because its just not me suffering from it. All my family has been impacted by it. I could have made something of myself, instead I fight to get out of bed every day.