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for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 517

I can't trust anyone either... especially those who take our money.

If they really wanted to help they'd do it for free.

No, just kidding, we all need to work to survive, unfortunately. Sorry for the negativity.

That is a lot of .b.s. you had to go through. I hope you find some relief for venting it out at least.

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1044

hey, sounds like you got alot going on. I know the first appointment with a therapist and sometimes the first two or three are frustrating because we want answers. Having been on the other side of the fence as a counselor, it is hard to render assistance regarding issues we don't even know exist. Your responses and honesty are essential to develop a plan that will help you. It is very easy for me to manipulate things "knowing what the right answer is". I think the right answer is probably in you as well, so be careful to not be untruthful and give as much information as possible, otherwise we sabotage our own treatment and the very help we are seeking (opinion).

I also know dr. appts. can be frustrating. I can't comment any further on that. I share you frustration. They get paid for their time, we should get paid for ours. It's a soapbox of mine...I said I wouldn't say more. lol

I think you need to be honest with the doc you are seeing or as Sarah suggested seek another doc. The doc needs to know the side effects of the meds you are taking. You have to deal with your anger and depression and there are many different types of medications.

I look forward to your next post and letting us know how you are doing.

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 955

furgittit,

It sounds like you have a pretty intensive session with your therapist. Although things may have not been as helpful for you, it could be suggested that as an assessment session, the therapist had to be thorough with their questions to get a good background of your history. Often therapists mention that during an assessment session, there is limited time for therapeutic advice and more time for the therapist to get a better understanding of who you are. However, it is unfortunate that the therapist did not make mention of this at the beginning of your session. After your session, it is so great to hear that you were able to relax with your daughter grocery shopping.

It does sound like you have a lot going on right now with work, your husband's health, and your difficulties with your doctor. Have you thought about changing doctors at all? Although this may be a lengthy task to take on, it will be beneficial in the end to find a proper fit between you and the doctor.

You mentioned in your post that you have tried to call the crisis line in the past and they only suggest the emergency room. Would it be possible to call again and be clear that you will not be going to the emergency room and instead, just need someone to listen and be empathetic to your situation? It may be incredibly helpful to be clear with the crisis people on the phone as they often have a standard response but can talk further once they know an individual's situation. Sometimes being clear about your expectations from the start may also help the therapist be more productive and attentive to your needs.

Hopefully this post finds you well. Please let us know if there is anything else we can do for you.

Sarah, Health Educator

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 271

Diva, Goofy and Ashley,

Continued, man do I babble.

my own doctor doesn't "hear" me, I have to be at work, emergency will take too long and it won't be looked at as serious as I am not bleeding or having a heart attack, the crisis line says just to go to emergency and someone can help me but there is that cycle again, plus, did I mention I am trying to work and the only secretary in today.

Aaargh, am I paranoid or does it seem like the world is falling in on me and won't let me catch my breath?

Thank you, breath, breath, breath.

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 271

Diva, Goofy and Ashley,

Continued, I babble on endlessly.......

I went home and grabbed my daughter (not really) and we went grocery shopping, believe it or not, I felt more relaxed grocery shopping than I ever have before, probably because I wasn't being attacked by anyone.. After that my weekend went well until Sunday.

Sunday started a new cycle of panic over my husband's beriatric appointment which I was actually supposed to meet the real surgeon after pulling teeth and whining to the higher ups about their lack of respect for the patient and his family. So anxiety is building, no sleep (took my sleeping pills), building, building.

We went in to the appointments completely prepared, we had our questions for each member of the team got them answered right away everything went smooth until we were told the surgeon was running 1 hour behind. Ok day was going well so far, bright side, I don't have to do housework, being positive, blah, blah, blah. Then I see the surgeon slowly saunter out of the clinic with his coffee cup in hand this was 1.5 hours after our appointment was scheduled for. Ok maybe he just needed a little break, ok, ok, breath, breath. No problem. 2 hours after scheduled appointment (bag nurse with snotty attitude) comes out and say Dr. was called away and we would have to see the students. Big problem, panic setting in, getting more and more anxious, 2.5 hours later finally see the student, who according to my husband regurgitated all of the same information that the surgeon had provided previously to my husband and when we came to ask specific questions, the student's response was I don't know, I don't know why, I don't know what Dr. is thinking or why he wants that. So anger, frustration, paranoia, blah, blah, blah. Shaky, nervous, nauseaous.

Hubby and I talked about it and are trying to see the upside together, like he has lost 15 more pounds and that the next appointment we are actually supposed to set a surgery date (I will believe that when I see it, we were supposed to do that yesterday). Anyway, deep breath, I am trying to hold onto my sanity for a bit longer.

After a couple hourse, I go to see my doctor to review the mental health psychiatrists report. Needless to say, she says my depression is situational and if I had married a normal guy, with no health problems, working, blah, blah, blah, I said the perfect life with no problems, she took offense and said no that isn't what she was getting at. I said everyone has problems, big or small they happen throughout life and we deal with them as best as we can, I think there is something more wrong than the Psychiatrist says, my doctor said no she didn't think so and that I should continue with going to the Psych Clinic where I told her I had been on Friday because I got tired of waiting to hear back on what I should do from the doctors in control. She was a little offended and asked how the Cipralex was doing, I told her it did nothing, except make me more anxious and tense and kept me from eating (yay, but I didn't lose weight), my sadness was still there and so was my anger. She said to switch back to Celexa at a lower dose as that is what the Psychiatrist at mental health wanted done.

So progressively my anxiety has gotten worse, I woke up early (or rather didn't sleep) and put make-up on to try to help me feel better (and if I cry everyone will know because my mascara is running and can't have them see that). I developed heartburn overnight, I feel like vomiting, I am very shaky and I cannot concentrat on what I need to do. I don't normally get heartburn, so I know I am having like a major panic attack or something serious but I don't know what to do, my own doctor doesn't "hear" me, I have to be at work,

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 271

Diva, Goofy and Ashley,

Thank you for your responses, they make me feel that at least someone is listening (hearing, reading, I don't know) in this world where it seems that there is no-one listening because they interrupt, ignore, or simply just don't show up for meetings, or egg you on (be it on purpose or not).

Friday I went to the Psych Clinic for my Assessment (I actually got in right away). The Therapist (and her student) (no problem 2 people) doing the Assessment had a bad habit of shortening my name, which I drew her attention to (she even had my name written wrong on her file (shortened). I did tell her what my name was and that I really didn't like the shortened version and never have and never will. Well from then on it was shortened version, oops sorry, proper name each time she addressed me. Yes, we all know I have anger issues, I thought I controlled myself very well when I didn't pop her after one too many times. So next time, Friday, if she does it again I will shorten her name to the masculine version and see what her response is. (silly, immature, yes, but I have to do something before I pop her). Why is it when you go in for an assessment, they ask you what you think, do you see patterns etc.? I am there for help, tell me what you see, because all I see is that everyone out there is out to p... me off and drag me down and see what they can do to help me speed along the natural process of all life (is what it seems like right now). I know my thoughts are distorted and the cyclical thinking pattern that I have needs help, if I had the answers, I wouldn't ask for help, blahhhhhhhhhh.

Then I had a break and completed the questionnaire and went for a walk and cried and cried and cried (not sure if it was the walking (which normally happens when I walk for more than 5 minutes) or the futility I felt when speaking with the Therapist.

After this I sat and waited to see the psychiatrist. Wait, Wait, Wait, therapist, shortened version of my name, oops sorry, proper name, go in and the psychiatrist starts saying anger issues, intensive therapy, what do I think my problem is, what do I see as the mitigating factor, what happened in my childhood, do I see where my anger or original sadness came from, bang, bang, bang, question, question, question, all of which I don't have answers for, because if I did, I wouldn't be there asking for help, and it didn't help that he was a complete stranger, I was very uncomfortable, I was 1 of 5 people in the room, I only had brief interaction with one other person in the room prior to the meeting (by the way I am not good in crowds of more than 2 other people (whether I know them or not)). I couldn't ask any questions, because I was being firebombed and just about blew a gasket on this nutjob who is supposed to help (I know he probably has his reasons, but they were completely unclear to me). I couldn't get a word in edgewise other than I don't know, I don't know, I guess, maybe, then it was on to the next attack.

So my meeting was over, I am as confused as ever, he wants to touch me (shake my hand (eww, icky, you don't touch people you don't know) and I tried to leave the office in a hurry but I had to pull my sleeve down because the handle and door were filthy (brown wood door, silver handle, completely black where a hand must touch it). I was exhausted, felt brutalized, ignored and otherwise completely overwhelmed. I tried to process everything over the weekend, but I have nothing to process, because I have no answers and I have to wait till Friday to see where they plan on sticking me (like I have a choice, it must be their way or I get no help or have to dish out more money than I have to hang on to my sanity).

I went home and grabbed my daughter (not really) and

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 11226

Furgittit,

It is nice to see you back! You seem very angry and frustrated and that is understandable. I do not understand why a health care professional would keep things from you. But find a little comfort in knowing that we all care about you here and we are here for you. I wish I could offer some advice when it comes to your medical situation but I do not know the reasoning of your psychologist so I feel I cannot comment.

You should feel good about what you did for your boss. I know it sometimes is tough when you do not feel others are reciprocating your kindness but at least you can know that you are doing the right thing and making the world a little easier for someone else.

Keep posting and staying strong!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 910

Ooops, sorry for the bqad word >.< at least the sensor caught it!

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 910

Hey Furgitit,

Sorry to hear about all the crap you have gone through and are going through as we speak. Wow you health professionals sound well bad. It is already to trust people when you feel vulnerable, I think it is unethical to break that trust, I hope you fnd better at the health clinic! Please let us know how it goes. I like goofy, encourage you to go.

Oh and I agree with Googy: IT IS NOT ALL IN YOUR HEAD!

You are going through tough stuff and are entitled to feel ****ty.

Hang in there and please feel free to vent with us always.

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1044

I recently started posting again myself. It's good to see you back but not under such circumstances.

IT IS NOT ALL IN YOUR HEAD. Repeat after me: IT IS NOT ALL IN YOUR HEAD.

It sounds like you have alot of things going on and not being able to trust in the medical professionals that are available to us is disconcerting at best. I too have tried to quit my meds, thinking I can handle this. I think that is part of the acceptance thing that it isn't all in your head or mine. It's just part of who we are and the meds are necessary to stay that way. Just like a diabetic has to take insulin to control their blood sugar. I think it sounds like a positive step to go somewhere you know you will get help. I hope you don't talk yourself out of it and encourage you to repeat after me: I will go to the psych clinic at the hospital.

Sounds like you also need to take time out for just you. Something FUN! You have to define that. But maybe it's just listening to the radio for a few minutes, or reading a magazine article. Something for you! You deserve it.

I don't know why, but I do the take care of everyone else thing too, that is why it is so important that we take care of ourselves. After all, noone is gonna do it for us and if we don't take care of us, we aren't going to be around to take care of others!!!!!!

Hope you go tomorrow and things work out. Look forward to more posts from you and insight on the issues that I have.

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Evolution Health is not a healthcare provider and does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are currently thinking about or planning to harm yourself or someone else please call 911 or go to the nearest hospital emergency room.

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