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for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1288

Diva, Great to hear that things are going well. Keep us update and let us know when we can help! Sylvie, Bilingual Health Educator

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 538

Hiya Wildcat!

Thank you for your reply! I was very upset. And yes our talk was exhausting! But up to now my husbandis being very careful of me. So that is good. And yesterday was his evening so I made sure to respect that too. Anyway, we will see how it goes but up to now the talk has seemed to help!

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

hi Diva,

sorry i missed the whole thing. but I see that you were upset.

You had a really nice plan going... and you were accoplishing a lot of the cbt program so the pleasable activity was going to be quite a cherry on your sundae and with your husband!!! it would have been quite a charged sundae!

the discussion was a necessity but an emotional heavy-weight bout! no wonder you are exhausted. I hope you and the cat have a day or two of rest planned.

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 538

Hello Mom of 3,

Thank you so much for your lovely reply and for the advice. I will keep that in mind! As for you feeling proud you should! Whether or not next time goes as well or not it doesn't change the fact that you did well! Nobody is perfect, and we can'T get it right everytime! So be proud! Woot!

I will keep you posted. Atm, I am pretty tired. Had a very long day! Thank you again for all your caring and support!

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Diva,

I'm so glad you're feeling better today. I'm glad you and your husband were able to talk and come up with some compromises. I am very proud of you for taking on the problem and seeking a solution. I know it's hard. Time will tell how well they work out, but they're not laws and you can agree to change your agreements as necessary to better accomodate your lives.

My best advice is to say that if your husband fails to keep up his end of the bargin, tell him, but do so in the kindest way possible. This is easier said than done and I'm not very successful at it myself. If I get it right the response from my husband is usually more favorable. When I am not successful there is a fight because he feels attacked. I am trying not to "pounce" as I usually do. This is hard because my negative thoughts make me so uptight that I can't hide my emotions very well. That's why I have to become better at challenging them. For the past two days I have been better. In fact my husband did something tonight that has me a little angry. Instead of making it into "a big deal" I simply stated what I thought without anger and made it clear that I was unsure why he thought that. I could tell he was ready for the pounce/fight and I did the opposite of what he expected - I'm a little proud of myself right now, but afraid to be too proud b/c next time might not go so well.

Best wishes Diva, take care

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1693

Diva,

I am so happy to hear that you had a long conversation with your husband. It sounds like you accomplished a lot during your discussion. Good for you! I'm also glad that you are feeling better

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 538

Hello Breanne,

Thank you for your reply :) I did tell him I felt hurt and like he picked his games over me. I think he might have heard me this time. We will see!

Hiya Mom of 3, Thank you so much for your reply and for all your advice and everything! It really means a lot to me! Me and my husband had a very long talk yesterdaay evening. And for once there was minimal screaming which is good considering the mood I was in. I think you are right. He is a GUY! But I think I might have gotten through to him. He promised to give me more of his free time and to put me before his game buddies. On the other hand I promised that if he lets me know he has reasonable plans with his buddies then I have to respect his plans (which will be easy since I already do lol). We also talked about other things that were bothering both of us and think we have come to good compromises. Now we just have to see if both of us can stick to them. I know I sure will try. My side of the bargain seems completely reasonable to me. I hope he finds his side of the bargain reasonable too. Anyway, we will see if our 4 hours of talking and negociating had any positive effects!

I feel much more positive today. Still feel emotional and drained and exhausted. Still have lots on my plate. But at least I have hope and do not feel like I am in a black hole. Feel much better!

Thanks !

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Diva,

Just read your reply and I can sympathize with you. I agree with Breanne, you're not being unreasonable, you're hurt. I can certainly relate. I have been trying to get this type of thing through to my husband also only different reasons.

What I've learned lately is that guys really do like to be able to do their own thing. They have no idea how long they're involved with it either. What seems like pure selfishness to us may not be to them. They simply don't have the same outlook on things that we do. Depression and anxiety makes it worse! He likely looks at his game play as harmless and the fact that he's in the house with you means he's with you. GUYS!!!

I'm not saying that you shouldn't be upset, just that he is still going to want to play his games. Maybe you can agree to set up good times for him to have his game times. Let him know that you understand that he likes to play them but that you expect there to be a priority - you before games. If he promises you something, you expect him to follow through.

You can also find something that you enjoy that will allow you to have some personal fun while he plays, at least you're in the same room.

I do understand how you feel and I know what you're saying. I don't really feel as though I'm the best person to give advice right now, but during our arguments of late I know that my husband feels like I'm critizing him, even though I'm very hurt and do have reason to say something. Once I get upset, it becomes a matter of how I say it (because I'm hurt my words are like knives) I have been trying, but mess up constantly. We are doing better today and I haven't flipped out at all.

I wish you all the best Diva. Please let us know how you're doing, but tomorrow is another day and it will get better.

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1693

Diva,

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. It just sounds like you are hurt. You wanted to spend some time with your husband and he chose his video games over the movies. He needs to understand that he is hurting you.

Did you tell him that this upsets you?

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 538

Do you think I am being unreasonable about all this? I asked the same thing on the other center. I keep thinking maybe I am the problem and I just don't know it....Sigh. Urgh!

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