Batty- thank you for your kind words. I actually "do not engage" where the sister is concerned. I actually act as if she was not in the room with me, which as sad as that can be...is the safest for me. This is all so strange to me. I have always "been there" for the family...sometimes whether they wanted help or not...if anything was wrong I was the one who dropped everything to make sure all was ok. Even with the sister, when she had her first child, I raised him pretty much for the first 3 months of his life while she went back to work (I was out at the time). How quickly things are forgotten. I know that I have no right to put any expectations on my parents as they have done their job raising me and after turning 18, had no reason to continue. I just wish that there was at least one time where I was made to feel like I was wanted to be in their company. IF this is something that cannot happen; whether conscience or not, then where can I get the strength to not care what they (the family as a whole) think and feel. Where do I get the courage and strength to refer the family as I have been made to feel like over the past few years, as an acquaintance and not as a family member? How do I continue to have some caring factor towards them when thier only means of showing me any concern is an occasional phone call? When will all of this pain end?

desperately, i read your post twice. i have sort of been in a similar situation. i have "family" (if you can call them that) that tends to be the same way at times. i have found myself feeling the very same way you have many times. i think though, the only thing you truly can do is just move on. you have to put yourself on a higher platform and like you said, not let the stress get to you. i know it hurts you, i can read it in your post. i sense your pain but it doesnt have to be that way. you can take it and turn in around in your favor. i have a motto....DO NOT ENGAGE. you can go and be with family and refuse to engage with the sister you speak of. you can refuse to engage with the manipulator you call mom. you can go and have a pleasant time or you can stay home and have a pleasant time. its all about choice. you have the power to choose. dont let anyone take that from you. you deserve better, more. so remember its about the power of choice and you have that power. dont let them control you. be strong and stay focused on healing. i wish you well, i truly do. hopes this post helps. take care! batty

Hi all...I posted some of this on the med info section, but was having another problem that I thought I would discuss here... I just came off of effexor and after 5 days of dizziness, which increased with each passing day, and the added numbing of my left side, headache, difficulty speaking etc...It was detemined that I either had a mild stroke (tia) or just my body's reaction to coming off of the meds...I am 39...having a very difficult time coping with the fact that I may have indeed had the stroke. The issue... I have been in phone contact with my mother every day since I came out of the hospital. I have heard nothing from my father (and yes, they are married still and live together). One of my siblings I haven't spoken to since she sent me a hateful email telling me that I wasn't raped or molested as a teen...I enjoued every minute of it which is why I decided to live a gay lifestyle today- another story for another time...maybe. I have always been the best son and brother I could be over the years, dropping everything whenever someone needed something. I never complained...I am at a point now where I cannot get past things said or done to hurt me- even if the person who is doing the hurting has no idea of the affect on me. The sibling described earlier has also written and said some unforgivible things to my sisters and parents. things I cannot believe my parents have "forgiven" and "forgotten" about when they took my sister "back into the fold" when she was beaten up by her husband. This happened to her this time last year, and although I couldn't stomach the thought of being in her company-nor did I have any real feelings towards her (after her telling me that I was dead to her)I told my parents to invite her to their house for Thanksgiving and I will make alternate plans thinking she really needed whatever family she had "left" that had any concern for her. I have never been the type of person who got jealous of what my parents did for one over the next person in the family. I pretty much allowed myself to hide in a shell and live the best life I could. I am very fortunate to be able to say that I have been given absolutely no help from my parents when I moved out. I was able to take care of myself, unlike my other 4 sib