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feeling bad today

for 19 år siden 0 +0 / -0 99

I know. I know that by punishing myself I am just continuing the abuse but it's so hard when my self-esteem is practically non-existent as it is. It was just a shock hearing that I wasn't the only one. Y'know? I'll be OK. Thanks.

for 19 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

kendy first, you know that thought process just allows him to abuse you over and over again. you cant allow yourself to place the blame on you. you were a child. he was the adult. there was nothing you did to deserve what happened nor did you provoke it. i know you know that. but you cant let him continue to abuse you but returning to that place of blame you had as a child. then you sink further into depression and start cycling. if you let this happen then he gains control over you yet again. dont let him. he is pure evil. stop him in his tracks. end the abuse now. you are strong enough. he cant trick you or hurt you or use you anymore. you are in a safe place where people care for you. think about what ive said ok? hugs

for 19 år siden 0 +0 / -0 99

It's just so hard to understand how the person who is supposed to protect you and cherish you could make the choice to hurt and abuse instead. How can you look at your child and choose to hurt her? I just don't get it. For years I had the classic feeling that I must have done something bad to deserve it. I know that's not true but the little girl inside of me still wonders sometimes. thanks for being here

for 19 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

yes you told me. kendy, i am so sorry that brought up so many bad body and emotional memories for you. all i can tell you is, and you know this, i understand what you are feeling. but what i have learned about you is you are strong and you can hold on and let those memories pass until you feel safe. you dont have to be afraid anymore because you know he can not do those things to you anymore. you are here amoung friends and you are safe. you have your family and friends. if you feel emotions creeping up, please post. i will be here for you to vent. big hug to you.

for 19 år siden 0 +0 / -0 99

Hey Batty, I don't know if I told you before but I was sexually abused as a child and teen. Yesterday I had lunch with a couple members of the family and in the discussion I found out that the person who did it to me also molested another member of my family, years before me. Fortunate for her it was a one-time thing not long-term like mine. but it just brought it all right back to the surface for me...makes it hard. I think today may be a tough day. Hope your day is better. Kendy

for 19 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

you are right kendy. thanks. i am doing a lil better today. went to my tdoc and next session we are going to start a new treatment for my ptsd. its called EMDR. the letter stand for something but im not sure exactl what. have you heard of this by chance? i went to emdr.com but i didnt really understand what they were saying. i have terrible reading comprehension when i am stressed or cycling. anyways, hope you are well. take care. hugs to you!

for 19 år siden 0 +0 / -0 99

You can't give up if I can't! :) I'm here Batty. We gotta hang in there together. I know how hard it is, I really do. You told me once that we have to just hang on to the good moments and know that there will be more. I think when men get together as a group they lose IQ points. NO OFFENSE to any guys reading this. :confuse: Well at least they say things that don't sound too smart from a woman's point of view. Maybe we just have to trust that we are here for a reason even if we don't know what it is?????? I don't know. I care -- whatever that means. I'm still here. love - Kendy

for 19 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

thanks try...i appreciate it. im not giving up. i keep trying each day. thank you very much for the kind words. and i know you are right. i just need to let this pass. you are a very sweet person. i wish you well also. remember i am always here to talk to. hugs.

for 19 år siden 0 +0 / -0 19

Batty: First all, I just want to say that I admire you for being the only woman working with a bunch of man, that made you stand out from the crowd right away, not to mention that you kept up for all these years. Everyone is insecure, and men aren't exceptions, they'd like to think that women obey them but the truth is, it's the vice versa that really holds true. In this modern world and most cases, woman is the feline, and man is the mouse. Men just like to think that they are in control. When you listen to their conversations, sit back and enjoy the live comedy, because you know better than to let them weaken your thoughts. About your love life, look, you've still got the whole life ahead of you, and I'm guessing you are probably in your mid 30's. The probabilities are that you are going to find someone sometime in your life, I know it sounds cliche but you shouldn't give up like this. I think that being scammed did a lot of damage to you, but you know what? Screw that bastard, I'm guessing that he doesn't have a good job and he won't keep on laughing for long, plus, the guilt will hit him hard. I think I know how you feel, you want a break but you have to keep working to earn money. You can use your weekends and truly enjoy your 48 hours of free time. Little is better than none. Listen to me, you've got a LOT to give, just by looking at your posts, you help everyone and you will be compensated for all your kindness. Don't even say that you are not worthy of love, everyone in this world has someone who loves him/her. About romance, the time will come and it's too early for you to give up. Don't fight your tears, let them out, go home early on Friday, watch a good movie and cry for all you want. I wish you well.

for 19 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

not sure if this is warranted or not, but i am feeling bad about myself today. i was hoping to connect with someone who might offer some light at the end of the tunnel. i am a quality control officer for a major beverage manufacturing company. i work with all men. i am the only woman. they like to talk about all kinds of topics but mainly sex. i listen and they ask me questions all the time. no big deal, until today. today they were talking as they usually do but this time it took a turn to their signifigant others. they all seemed to agree that they are the boss and the woman will do what they say..period. it started me thinking, i must not be dating material. see, i am single. ive been divorced for 8 years and just got out of a very intense relationship that only lasted 6 months. (i got scammed out of alot of money) im not a submissive person by nature. ive learned to put up with alot of things and let more things roll over my shoulder than i used to. but i am not one to just sit there and be told what to do. this started the ball rolling and me feeling very badly about myself feeling unworthly...AGAIN. the depression just hit me so hard. i feel awful and i dont want to be here at work and right now i dont care if i am on this earth, to be honest. i know that i am a kind and caring person with alot to give to someone but it doesnt seem anyone else sees that. i dont really know how they see me but i know that none of them know the real me. i am so depressed now and am feeling very somber. the realization that i will be alone forever hits hard. maybe i dont have anything to give. maybe im not worthy of love. i hold so much stuff in and i feel like i am going to explode. i am fighting back tears big time. and then i feel bad that i am whinning. i come to this site because i have nowhere else to turn. i cant tell the people i know that i am feeling this way. they would just think i am nuts. maybe i am. i dont know. i just dont know. im about to give up.

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feeling bad today