I wish we could all tell. My illness for good or ill is part of who I am and I felt like no one ever really knew me because there was this part of me that I kept hidden away. I wish the world could understand that there is truly a physical component to my mental illness, that I'm not just making it all up. I bear the scars of my moments of madness and sometimes it makes me feel ashamed. There are a few people who know and it is so much easier to talk to them. But you have to be very careful who you tell. Some people just do not understand. They look at you like you're going to climb a tower and start shooting. Silly. The only person I've ever intentionally hurt is myself. It helped my son to know what was going on with me. It helped him understand some of my moods. It relieved him of some guilt. He often felt like he did something to make me feel so bad. Now he knows that it isn't his fault. And he understands that sometimes the best I can do is not enough but it's not because I don't love him. It's a very lonely place isn't it? To be alone in the dark.

cjp i commend you for your research of depression and your admission of your problem. I have been thinking i might be depressed for years. I "felt tired". Now i admit it. I suffer from depression. Its a weight off my shoulders. I talk to my wife and parents about it and to some degree with my adult children. I am not going to go public with my depression, because I don't want to be labeled and mis-labeled. I want to be known for what I do and what I say. If I flatter with my accomplishments then I can understand the situation better because I know I am depressed. I can forgive myself. I can still love myself. I can talk to my family about it. Having said all that, I know of a very popular media personality who has been public about his depression for years. He presents himself very well and I for one admire him for his candor, but then we must remember that he has been and remains extremely successful. You might do whatever you are comfortable with. You can make depression awareness and education a big part of your life. You can use it to motivate yourself and to find new meaning in your life. However you certainly have to also respect your wife and her opinion, so overall because of her reluctance to go public I would keep the information within your immediate family. "Depression" of course describes a wide range of illness, particularily if we include bi-polar, a disease where victims behave in very strange and often anti-social ways, so people might interpret your illness in any number of ways. Its wonderful to see your input on this site. I look forward to reading more postings from you. bob

CJP, Thank you for sharing your story. That was well written and heartfelt. You have come to the right place and please feel free to roam the site at your own pace. If you look to the left of the screen under "TOOLS" you will find our Depression Test and Depression program. This test is not a diagnostic tool and is not a replacement or substitute for a physician's advice. The purpose of these tests is to prepare you with information that you can present to your physician. When you're finished the test, you can either print your Final Report or email it directly to your doctor. This may also better assess the situation and help others understand. Please use our Instant messenger as a way to talk to others who know what you are going through. You will find lots of knowledge and insight. If you have any question or concerns with our site or please contact Support Department at support@depressioncenter.net. We are open to any questions or concerns you may have. Looking forward to hearing from you soon! Josie ___________________________________ The Depression Center Support Team

I have had the same delimma and wondered if I should tell; but in the end I do tell because I usually have to show my emotions and then I have to explain why. People do not understand and so I thought when my life began again in a new country, I thought I could be treated in a more normal fashion ; for a while anyway...for six months I felt pretty happy; but then I started telling people, because I wanted them to understand who I am. I am not famous, but I have published one article over in my new country in a small newspaper; I got a small tiny paycheck, my first! And that was a moment of happiness; I also put on the weight quickly and went downhill...meds can do that to you...and had many health side effects. So now I am trying to wean myself off and quit thinking of myself as a depressed person perpetually. I wrote to Patch Adams, and he told me to stop labeling myself. Well, maybe he's right, I just don't know. My brothers both had big problems also, my father and brother killed themselves with booze, and the other brother is Schizophrenic, and my sister has problems too. We did not have a happy family growing up. Enough said. All of us had terribly bad nerves, and I was the sensitive one. I survived by my faith; and husband so far. Medications and doctors were secondary. I was very impressed with you writing (well...) and I have always been interested in the question you raised. If I could hide my real feelings better, I'd say maybe to be silent is golden; but then, how can you have close friends when they don't know much about how you feel and think , and what your family was about??????? Does anyone else know the answer to this?

First time on such a chartroom so hope below thoughts are in accordance. For more than 25 years my profession was that of a journalist in print and television mediums. Prior to that athletics was my vocation. About eight years ago, in my 40's,was hospitalized with a kidney disorder. The halo effect suddenly vanished and slowly the slide into tribulation started. Thus began the trials of ill-nature and five years ago was diagnosed with clinical depression - something which I later discovered was also cursed within the medulla oblongata of my fraternal twin sister. She too did her best to hide her psychological abnormality. For me it was of a compliant nature but troublesome. In my bizz its typical to have had hundreds of acquaintances but few close friends. Time is spent in the editing rooms or writing a story. This is where the OCD found a home to magnify itself to epic proportions. Then the stomach six-pack transformed into a 12-pack placing on 50 pounds in four years. Late night snacks and beer did the trick. Rumors started that yours truly was on drugs etc. and in-house relationships at work started to crumble. Finally three years ago my position was terminated. It was deemed no longer fit into future projections. Suddenly the word on the street was that yours truly was nuts. Paranoia set in. It was the belief that people were pointing and talking about me. Due to my position in the community, there were several key jobs quickly offered but instead I took less menial jobs. My relationship with my wife suffered. What was happening? I knew I was in bad shape when reoccurring suicidal thoughts finally had me seeking help. Through medication, self-discovery and professional aid, life is returning. The high-profile career in media still calls but I do not trust myself. Neither have I built a cocoon. The OCD had diminished but the battle with the weight and late night snack binges remains? People still make inquiry as to what happened? and why I left the bizz? I simply state that it was time for a change. The battle with depression still raises its ugly head once in a while and it remains hidden from most. That remains the quandary? Something inside burns, wanting to inform people that it is OK to have a mental health issue in ones l