Dear Ang,Jan and Bella, It is so nice to get your e-mails. It means alot to know I am not alone...this doesn't mean I don't have people in my life who love me, I do but I am finding that discovering a bond with others who are going through the same thing means alot. Not, that I don't wish we weren't depressed. Like anything else though there is some good that comes out of it like reading your letters and feeling your understanding. I do think our brains react to whatever the stimuli (pleasure or pain) more severely at least part of the time and depending on how our medication is working or not. Have any of you noticed that when you are feelingjoyful that you seem to also have a capacity for enjoying life that not everyone has? I'm not talking manic here. :-) Bella, thank you for your suggestions. I am going to print this up and carry them with me. I had not thought of some of them. Jan, I hope your toe is healing. Something like that would really set me off too. I am going on a little trip with my husband on the 25th so I will be off line for awhile. I will pray you are all still here when I get back. Thank you for "being there" and I will be here for you too! Trisha

Hi Trisha - I relate to this so well! i've had depression in various guises (and strengths!) all my life. i think when we are depressed we are hypersensitive and we feel things acutely - it goes really deep. this is why i suppose many artists etc are depressives because they feel things so deeply (and because they feel things so deeply they get depressed!). i've noticed that writers come up with much better work when they're depressed too! news bulletins are banned in our house at the moment because both me and my daughter are depressed. no matter how interesting a tv documentary that has a challenging content i turn over - i know to 'feed' on this stuff is impossible and anyway not helpful. the world will just have to get on without me for now. i can at least watch tv at the moment but sometimes i can't. i do work to build myself up and consciously focus on positive things and do a lot of what are i suppose CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) techniques. i speak out good things on a regular basis, tailoring them to exactly what is good for me at that time. i tell myself constantly, like a mantra, 'i love you bella' (i'm working on saying 'i like you bella' but that's a bit harder!) it's so simple but it is effective - the symptoms of depression are so debilitating that to balance them out with anything positive no matter how small does help. i look at flowers up close, touch them, really look at the sky, purposely go on routes that have a lot of greenery and just soak the colour in (i can feel it doing its job!) etc. often i can't feel anything but i know it's doing its work somehow. i am not well and i need to protect myself. it is such a challenge that bad things 'floor' me for quite a while - like you i can predict it and i think 'here we go' because i know it's going to be rough for weeks. i have to stretch to accommodate myself in that time - i know i'm not well and the best thing for me is to nurture myself, to do those positive things by rote even if i dont' feel anything positive at the time. and to pace myself and not take on anything challenging AT ALL, even if it's just washing up two cups because i can't face the whole lot. these are things that help me anyway. bella x

Hi Trisha, I was really happy to read your question -well not happy in the sense that you are having trouble or more trouble than you think you should dealing with disappointment and bad news but happy to know that others feel the same way. I find I have very little tolerance for things that I used to be able to deal with without a thought. I also find it extremely frustrating and have hoped that it is the depression causing these reactions but I was never sure either. I have been sitting around on this nice sunny long weekend because I had my ingrown toenail surgically cut out on Thursday and it has been really painful and I have been not dealing with it as well as I think I should be??? Gets me angry with myself but I guess I just have to learn to deal with it. I also know that I should go back and get it looked at because it is extremely red, swollen and sore so I think it is probably infected??? Just can't be bothered. So....is that a good example of not being able to deal with things???? Well Trisha, and everyone else who has shared, thanks for your thoughts, you have made me feel better. Take care Jan

Yes, Trisha, I agree that when you have depression or bi-polar it's A LOT easier to start feeling very sad because somehting bad happened. Those things are triggers for depression and you feel a lot more sad, and/or a lot more helpless, for a longer time than someone without depression or bi-polar. I feel the same way, too. Things that couldn't upset me so much before now make me feel so miserable and as if life's lost its beauty. Stick to your treatment plan, or talk with your psychiatrist/psychologist about changing it, whatever helps you, and hang in there... you can go through this, although it's so difficult!

Hi Trisha, Sorry your not feeling well. I think it definately has a lot to do with the clinical depression. I can relate to what you are saying. It seems as others don't have the same depth to their reactions, and that they are able to control their emotions and reactions easier. Hang in there.

Hi, Have any of you had the experience of feeling reasonably o.k. and then getting upsetting news and feeling yourself plummeting and your depression kicking up again so much that you feel almost immobile? And, having that happen fairly frequently? I do wonder if when people who do not have this diagnosis get bad news if they feel the same way or is it that someone who is depressed cannot take the stress and "breaks down" faster. Sometimes I feel like I have no control over these reactions at least not at first. It's as if you just get up when someone or something kicks you back down. It's almost as though you can count on this happening. How do you cope with this? In other words is it the clinical depression, the event or your reaction to the event that is causing the problem? Thanks Trisha