I advise you to look in your local phone book in the community service numbers. In the one I have here, there are numbers for crisis centers such as Women's crisis center, suicide prevention, ect. They are 24 hour, 7 days a week hot lines that can help you and offer information and advice. If you are even slightly thinking of hurting yourself to the point of suicide, please, please call 911. They can transfer you to a crisis line or may also come to you. That should not cost you anything.
I do not think this guy is worth even seeing anymore. At least while you are dealing with these feelings Do you think maybe he is the cause for you wanting to hurt yourself.. to let him know you are seriously hurting? Please understand that this is not what you need right now. What you are feeling is not something you can just "deal with and move on". This is serious. Know that I am truly concerned and care. Please keep me posted. Big hugs
Holli
