Hi! I just joined this site today and I have been reading up on some of the discussions. I am so glad to find out that I am not the only one sufferig from depression. I'm only a teenager, but I can offer some words of comfort! Hang in there! Ummmm, I think your medication is ns not working for you. That happened to me two years ago. My mom thinks I am going through a phase.........but I'm not. I took the depression test and found out that I am depressed and that I need help. Don't worry remember that evey1 who joined this site here is brave for seeking help :)

Well, before I was married I worked in promotions at a TV/Radio station and then at a local Chamber of Commerce promoting businesses in a local town. I took a little time off when my son was born and then was asked to take over the administration of a local Montessori School. I was there for 14 years, eventually moving into the classroom and teaching children between the ages of just about 3 to almost 6 years old. About two years ago we had a change in our Board of Directors and everything good about working there was destroyed. The philosophy of the school changed and money began to mean everything. I tend to be an idealist and it was very difficult for me to understand how the welfare of the children could be relegated to a lower priority. With my mental illness, the stress became unbearable and I had to leave. It was very emotional. I was very attached to the families I had worked with. There were lots of tears and good wishes. The up-side is that I have not had one moment's doubt about having made the right decision. Money is a problem right now. I am scrambling to pay the bills on my husband's salary alone. Right now I am taking two psychology classes (don't laugh!)and exploring the possibility of getting my master's degree in counseling. The only problem is that it will take about 3 years and I don't know if that's a financial possibility at this point. I have also thought I could pursue an advanced teaching degree to be qualified to teach older children but I don't know if that's where my heart is right now. Long story short, I'm still searching. But it sounds like you know what you want. I guess my philosophy is to go the way you are drawn. The encouragement of your tutor would seem to indicate that you would make a fine candidate in that field even if the job opportunities are somewhat limited. As trite as it may sound, I say follow your heart. Talk to you again soon.

Hello again ladyblue, Thanks for your reply - I'm happy to continue the conversation on here, seems like things are fairly open on this forum. Your situation and feelings towards it seem so like mine that I feel I really want to talk through this with you. I have been an electronic engineer for seven years. Eighteen months ago I lost my job in R&D for Siemens UK, which I wasn't too upset about because I had got very tired of the place and wanted to move on, but needed a push. Unfortunately after that I was unemployed for six months until I got a job in a very small company who make vision systems for postal offices worldwide. This job was very high stress, whereas the previous job was one where everything was done to the highest standard but all the projects I worked on were either shelved, canned or high profile failures, this job entailed cutting corners and doing everything as quickly as possible on the cheap. I came under such pressure to perform and get the results, and got such abuse when I didn't, that when my contract came up for renewal I told them where they could shove it and left. I had no plans other than I wasn't going to take that sort of abuse any longer. Since Christmas, when I left, I have decided that I've given the electronic engineering industry more than a fair chance and I'm obviously not cut out for it. However I can't imagine doing anything other than engineering. Having severely questioned what I want to do, I have decided to retrain in the area of forensic engineering, ie accident investigation and prevention. There isn't much of a job market, one of my many misgivings about taking this path, but it's something that I really want to do and I know I'll enjoy it. The admissions tutor on the course I am taking welcomed me with open arms, they don't get that many engineers applying and really want some more on the course, and have really enthused me about it. So I am looking forward to it, but as mentioned before the financial aspects gnaw away at me constantly. What's your story? What area have you come from and what are you going into?

Hi again, I know how it is. Sometimes it feels like the dam bursts and all of the frustration and fear just comes pouring out. I have no objections to conversing through e-mail. Are we allowed to give out our e-mail addresses on this web site? Perhaps a moderator could answer that question. But at any rate, I check this web site every day and if you ever want to reach me, just post a message here. It is very daunting to be back in school at my age, especially since I am not entirely sure of what I want to do next. I am fortunate to have a therapist who is very supportive and, at the same time, very practical and realistic. But sometimes we just have to take a chance. I had reached the point where I knew that where I was at was not where I wanted to be. (Now I just have to figure out where I want to be! :confuse: I think what is nice to know is that there are others who understand the kinds of feelings people with depression have. As my therapist tells me, depression is a cruel illness. It keeps us from seeing all the good in ourselves and in the world around us. It can prevent us from being able to touch the love and support that may very well within reach. It's like a barrier that pushes anything positive away from us. That's the cruel irony of it. We can't reach what we need the most. I guess that's what the meds are supposed to do, help us break down those barriers so we can see things a bit more clearly. Good luck and I hope to hear from you again.

Ok everyone, progress report. First of all, a very very large thank you to ladyblue, Casey and Michael. ladyblue, would you mind if I emailed you about career changes and going back to school? I am eternally grateful to you all for being the first people who have not judged, not laughed, not scoffed and not turned away. I was really dreading these things happening, for reasons that will become clear. Now, a little explanation of my posting last night. I have never put into words as much of my inner anxieties and hang ups as I did last night. The reason for this is that if I ever start to vocalise these things, it's to my partner, no one else even comes close to being trusted with these things. And the reaction from my partner ranges from the harmless but unhelpful "snapoutofit" type reaction to really laying into me about what a pathetic person I am. Result - I just don't talk about it any more. I just keep it to myself. So what happened last night? Well, I think that because of reducing the meds, things were getting so bad, I couldn't keep it to myself any more. I needed to ask for help, because all I could see in the future was blackness spiralling out of control. I was incredibly nervous about posting it and didn't know if I could cope with either no one replying or the sort of reaction I get from my partner. So, thank you so much for the kind replies that I got - it's so good to know that not everyone thinks I'm the sort of person my partner thinks I am. This morning, not a lot has changed, but I have swallowed my pride about coming off meds. I have read some more of Jerod Poore's amazing web site, www.crazymeds.org, and have learnt things about coming off meds and half lifes and that in my case, there probably isn't going to be a cure. So the outcome is, I'm going to increase the meds to 10mg every 36 hours or so, which will hopefully also reduce the brain shivers because citalopram's half life is about that length of time. I am going away for Easter and when I come back the new dosage will have come into effect and after that I will see if I need to see my doctor. He has left the issues of dosage level up to me for the large part. At the moment, one day at a time, the combined effect of this forum and making a decision about meds h

Hi knatch... Check out a book called "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns. It talks about a drug-free treatment. Many doctors swear by it. It might help. Good luck. Hang in there. -Michael

Hi knatch, Welcome to the site. Fellow members should be responding to your post soon. Please reconsider the medicaiton as advised by your doctor. It is not unusual to have to make increases in dosages when there is major life changes going on, such as the ones you describe in your post. Please feel free to roam the site at your own pace. If you look to the left of the screen under "TOOLS" you will find our Depression Test. This test is not a diagnostic tool and is not a replacement or substitute for a physician's advice. The purpose of these tests is to prepare you with information that you can present to your physician. When you're finished the test, you can either print your Final Report or email it directly to your doctor. If you have any question or concerns with our site or please contact Support Department at support@depressioncenter.net. We are open to any questions or concerns you may have. Looking forward to hearing from you soon! Casey _____________________________________ The Depression Center Support Team

I don't know if this will help or not but I have been on medication for over five years and according to my psychologist and my psychiatrist I may be on them for many, many more years as my condition is chronic and recurrent. During this time we have tried different medications in different combinations before finding one that seems to be keeping things under control for me. Still there are bad times and bad days to weather. Thankfully they are fewer and further between. There is no shame in needing to take medication for a mental illness any more than for a physical one. It sounds to me like you need a professional to help re-evaluate your meds. Other than that, all I can offer is that you are not alone in your frustration. There are days when I want to scream "Enough already! Why can't I just be normal?" Please don't give up. I recently left a job after 14 years and am taking a couple of classes to try and figure out where I want to go from here. I feel guilty because it is creating some financial difficulties for my husband and I but it's just something I need to do right now. I don't know what the future holds for me. I just know that I have to hang on and have hope. (As difficult as that can be!)

Hello everyone, I really could do with some friendly constructive comments on my situation as I am feeling at my wits end. I have been taking cipramil (active ingredient citalopram) for a long time now (4 1/2 years). I have been depressed for as long as I can remember but the trigger to start taking meds was the death of my grandmother when I really felt that things were getting out of control. In the past 4 1/2 years I have gone from taking 20mg/day to 10mg every other day. At the beginning I felt wonderful after 2 or 3 months after the grieving period was over, and after six months I lowered my dose, gradually, to 10mg/day. It stayed at that level for about three years before I tried to reduce it again. During this time I lost my job and got a new, highly stressful job and found that I could not reduce the dose any further, mainly because I had so much on my mind that I would forget and go back to my usual 10mg/day. At Christmas my contract ran out and I decided not to renew it. Since then I have managed to reduce to 10mg every other day, because now I have time to remember what dose to take, whereas before I was just in a huge rush to eat my breakfast and get the train. But I have also made some fairly big decisions recently, like deciding to go back to university in the autumn and change career. I worry constantly about this decision and the financial impact it will have on my partner and myself. I also worry about driving, which I am learning to do rather late in life, to the point of sweating and having nightmares. I am also suffering from brain shivers, mostly of the dizzy variety and worry (oh god, do I worry) about what I would do if I was in control of a car at the time. I worry about getting angry in a public place, about people getting angry with me, about witnessing other people get angry in public places. I can't watch tv in case I witness a confrontation. I worry that I am changing career because I am too rubbish to continue in my current career. I worry because my partner is going to have to support me through university and he can't afford it. I am going to see my doctor soon and I know that he will say that I will feel better if I up the meds but I am loath to do that because it has taken me sooooooo long to reduce them, an