I have been in treatment for over five years but have probably had major depression for most of my life. I have a wonderful psychologist and am seeing a psychiatrist every 3 months to keep my meds updated. I also have an anxiety disorder. It just seems like I get one part of my illness under control and another flairs up. The depression isn't great right now but it is better than it has been in the past, now my anxiety level has increased substantially. In the past I had frequent bouts of mild dissociation and depersonalization which the meds seem to have been controlling. Then a few days ago I had a major panic attack at home and ended up not remembering most of what went on. It wasn't until my psychologist called that I started to get a hold of reality again. It is so frustrating. From the outside I look like a very intelligent, together person, but inside I feel like I just can't keep it all together. On the plus side my husband is very kind to me, though admittedly he is baffled about how best to help me. How do others deal with the ups and downs and the unpredictability of the illness? I feel very dependent on my therapist right now and wonder if this is normal.
