I'm worried. I have depression and have taken meds for years. I'm not doing well now, but sometimes I feel okay, even good. Like when I talk to my sisters. I eat, sleep and watch tv. Last week my doctor asked me if I still thought about going into hospital, I said yes and no. The no part is because I know about choice, the difference between right and wrong. I know that if I take baby steps, take a short walk,get dressed, "power through it", "buck up". I think that I'm lazy and the reason I'm not doing anything is because I'm lazy, selfish, self indulgent. I don't feel like doing anything, I just want to sleep, eat and watch tv. i've put on so much weight, about 100 lbs in the past 2 years. When my doctor asked about going to hospital and I said yes and no, she said let me be the doctor this time, "I suggest you go in". I want to go to hospital, but I don't know if I'm lying and I'm not really sick, am I manipulating everybody because I'm so good at it and can manipulate everybody and make them feel sorry for me so I can remain lazy? I don't know if I'm sick or not. I've had this conversation with my doctor a few months ago and she said that it must be hard to always second guess myself. Does anybody else have doubt and worry that they are using a hospital bed that is need by somebody who is really sick? I'm frustrated and worried, and sick or lazy. At the moment I feel crazy.
