Dear Chaosfairy,
First of all, I would like to say, that although it is not easy for you too see from the inside, you have already achieved so much up until now, looking from the outside in.
You are a very brave woman and I believe that your extraordinary patience towards your ex-husband is to be admired. Unfortunately, I know the feeling of wanting to inflict damage upon another and thereby becoming even more depressed, as it simply goes against your nature to inlict damage on another. Remember, there are people who carry out such acts, as they are not as patient as you but you're virtue is one to be respected and admired.
I believe your nature is that of a beautiful seed, whose bloom has been stunted. But just as the flower grows towards the sun, you have to look at the beauties that you have already seen in life and simply grow towards it.
The Shadows of another tree may get in your way, but you will eventually see light and grow towards it, in between the many towering hinderances in your way. Of course, sometimes you will be surrounded by nightfall and it is important to realise that, the light of day will come back at some point. During these periods, it is important that you rely once again on your patient.
I always experience lows, but at this point, I remember the saying that "The darkest hour in the night comes just before sunrise" This is true and it happens everytime.
Grasp your children and make them the happiest children in the world. Sing to them, dance with them, camp with them in their rooms and become infected with their yet-to-be stunted smiles. Be a child. Remember your childhood dreams and realise those dreams with your children. Lower your age as low as you want to go. YOU take control and let no one else's opinion count. Fight gloominess with your smiles. Jump start your happiness, using your children, just like you would jump-start your old banger from a nicer working car, if it weren't working. Do not let gloomy people drag you down, rather you pull them up.
It is up to you to do what you wish in life. Respecting people around you, do what you want to.
I find the best cure is actually talking to people who are also feeling down and convincing them of the beauties of this world. At the same time, you are c
