You might want to take a closer look at why you don't want to take meds. I suspect it's becuz, to take meds for your condition is an admission of defeat. This goes back to a belief that it is your fault, a fundamental flaw in who you are, to have this problem.
I was depressed from the time I was 12 until I was 45. I finally had a major episode that brought me to a grinding hault. Just couldn't go one step more. I was put on Prozac. For the first time I got my life back. I could act normal. Problems or new encounters with people that used to defeat me became simple challenges to that I felt I could handle. No sweat. In the 13 years since, I've tried to come off Prozac completely, but eventually find myself back in the hell that defined so much of my life. It might help to start thinking of this condition as a metabolic one (which it is to a very large extent) and that, like a diabetic, you need the medication in order to function at a healthy, normal level.
As to what your family thinks about it. . . they are not in your skin, and they don't have to face each day from inside of YOU. So, even though I'm sure they love you and advise you the best they can, it is you that has to live with you--every day--and every dark moment you are alone with yourself. So, it is YOU that has to decide what you are going to do or try.
Can it get any worse? Does it have to get worse before you try SOMETHING beneficial? In a way, you've answered your own question. Read your message again. What I see it saying is GO TO A DOCTOR!!!
