Hi, I don’t know where to start so I’ll just give you a little history. I’m 33 married with a 3yr old. I was diagnoised clinically depressed in 1996 when I attempted to kill my self. I was put on a regiment of anti depressants and with the help of my parents and friends made it through. I even got to the point where I mett my husband, got married and had a child, I was off all anti depressants and was feeling wounderful. I had a few moments when it would creep back into my life but I wouldn’t let it.
In September I noticed that I was getting very depressed again, I would cry for no reason. I didn’t care how I looked, what I ate, and I definatlly didn’t want to do anything. I had to force my self to go to work to help support my family. I think if it wasn’t for my family I honestly don’t know where I would be.
I went to see the doctor and they put me on Paxil, I took it for a couple months but couldn’t handle the side effects any longer, so I weaned my self off it. I felt better in December, not being on any thing, now in January I’m feeling horrible, sad all time, weepy, mad. I feel like I’m on an emotional roller coaster. My husband thinks I’m loosing my mind. (so do I some days) I don’t want to go back on the anti depressants I hate the feeling of being drugged.
I don’t know why I’m so depressed, I had a very happy childhood, full of love and caring, I have a great job, a wounderful husband and son. I’am very overweight, and have no self confidence. I don’t sleep at night, and when I do its’ full of nightmares, and I wake up, and can’t go back.
I’m just so frustrated. I know I should go see the doctor and get back on some sort of anti depressant….I just don’t know anymore.
I’m so tired of people asking me whats wrong, when I have no idea. I guess I’m hoping that if I can talk about how I feel then that will help. But first I have to figure out how I feel. If that makes sense.
Thanks for listening.
