Hi, I'm new here so thank you for taking the time to read this, it will probably be long and rambling.
I have been depressed in the past, many years ago I suffered 'normal' depression, then after my two children were born I suffered Post Natal Depresssion. But recently things got a whole lot worse.
I have been married for 8 years, at least 5 of those years have been totally loveless. Because of this when a friend of my husband showed me some affection I didnt resist and we had a brief fling (about 4 months), but I felt so guilty I told my husband I wanted us to separate, which we did, he didnt know about his friend and the affair was still going on. Then one night I went out drinking with friends, a male acquaintance offered to walk me home, which I accepted and which he did, then when we got to my house he sexually assaulted me. He has denied all this to the police so I now face having to go to court. After a few days in hospital I came home and life went back to normal, except it hasnt for me, I argue, fight and say nasty evil things to my estranged husband and even though I know I'm doing it I cant stop. I eventually realised that the man I had the affair with was just using me and out of shear spite I told his wife and now they are separated, I know everyone hates me and I dont blame them, but I cant seem to stop myself, I get a thought in my head and act on it without thinking of the consequences. I'm taking medication but so far it has had no affect. I dont know what to do, I love my children but I fear I'm going to destroy their lives with my depression.
Edited on 12/7/2004 @ 8:00:16 PM by The Support Team
