I'm desperate. I have been trying to beat my depression for over 3 years now. I have been on all kinds of meds and in therapy for 3 years! I am not much of a talker and not very emotionally open with my therapist, I just can't cry in front of her. I really like my therapist, but she doesn't or hasn't done much for me since I'm still very depressed. I can't imagine not seeing her each week, but I also want to feel and be better. I'm suicidal and scared and when I tell her, she seems to get mad or real distant. She said she doesn't know what else to do with me. I feel like she and her collegues make fun of me because I've been in therapy SO long. It's not like I want to be there for that long, but I'm afraid what will happen if I'm not in therapy. When I am in crisis, she doesn't say much. My dr. doesn't return my phone calls either, so I have no place to go or anyone to talk to. I don't know why I just can't verbalize how I feel, it's just so overwhelming and I can't function. What do I do? When do you know you should be inpatient? She keeps suggesting inpatient for both my depression and a minor alcohol problem. I can't afford to be in a hospital. I am so sad, I love my therapist and I don't know why, sometimes I feel like she doesn't even care about me.