Kerry, Thanks so much for your kindness. I haven't come to this site in a while which explains the delay in replying. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and connection and adding your email address to boot...I just do not know what to say about that other than I am truly touched. As for talking to my partner about the drinking...I have mentioned recently that I have noticed an increase and he pretty much denied it. I realize that he has to be the one to work on that...I cannot force him and I am beginning to understand more and be more ok about it. I know the abuse I had experienced was just some people taking advantage of me and I had in no way enticed or solicited the acts...I am in therapy now and have been for 2 years (almost) and it has been helpful...more so over the past month. I have; with help from a psychologist and psychiatrist, actually been able to name one of my "demons" and that has helped me with dealing with it. Its name is "the victim". Knowing this is making a lot of my feelings understandable and I now don't feel like I am losing control of my life. Yes, this is a good thing...The flashbacks are lessening in frequency and I am coping a bit better. So much so that I am going back to work next Monday (11-01) after being out since the last week of July. I am not pushing things, just taking it as I should have all along...one day at a time. Things seem to be progressing and just so you don't think I am getting pompous about this...I do not think I am cured. I know that I have a long way to go and am ready for the challenge. I just do not think that at this point, staying home is helping me. I am continuing therapy and medication as long as it is deemed necessary. Who knows, this may be something I will just have to get used to. I am ok with it now... Anyway, again, I thank you. You are a kind person and I am considering knowing you a privilege. Peace to you!

Hello, i just wanted you to know that im praying for you tonight. i dont have any good answers as to why such painful things happen, all i can say is to encourage you not to give up. Have you tried talking about your partner's drinking habits with him? Im so glad for you that he has been there for you in the past, i hope that you are able to work through your issues together and grow even closer together. You did not say much in your post about therapy, have you found any help through counselling? My partner was sexually abused as a child; he tells me that at the time, he hated the counselling that he received, and that he didnt find it a positive experience. I think he managed to deal with and live through the experience, but he still has flashbacks when we are intimate. at first i wasnt sure how to handle them, eventually i learned to let him talk about it when he felt he needed to, and learned what type of things bothered him. To this day there are sexual aspects that we dont explore, and that is fine with me. From what you said, it sounds like a lot of things that cant be avoided cause you flashbacks. im sorry that i cannot offer more in the way of advice, all i can say is, know that you are worth more. Know that you did nothing to deserve what has happened, that none of it is your fault. i have found so much solace in the comfort and advice of good, caring friends, the only advice i can give you is to find someone you can lean on and talk to when it gets really bad. Feel free to email me whenever you need a listener. Take care of yourself, remember that you are worth more. God bless macleodk@unbc.ca

I have been posting and responding on the Support Group Discussion Forum. I have gotten some good advice and gave as I thought I could help. I am having a real problem and do not know how to get out of this. My life for the most part has been pretty phony. I have lived a great lie most of my life. The lie was that my family was perfect and I had a happy and healthy upbringing. From as far back as I can remember, I know things happened to me. I was emotionally and physically abused as well as neglected by my parents. I do not remember many days when I didn't get beat with a thick leather dog's training leash (the size of a riding crop only 1 1/2" wide and 1/4" thick). We were hit with the loop end so the thickness was doubled. This was also used as a "training tool" on me...if I had to study something and recite it to my mother, she would have the leash with her and I would be hit if I made a mistake. What was odd is that out of 5 children and me being the middle child, no one else had this "training tool" used in this manner. The torture wasn't always from my parents. My siblings would pick on me and abandoned me at will. I was good enough to hang around when no one else was around, but if a friend passed, it was like I was not even there. In school, I was the quiet one so I would get teased and picked on regularly. I started believing the things people would say to me...You're a queer, mary, ***got, stupid...Even my "Friends" would use me and toss me aside...you get the picture. The problem I seem to be having now is in dealing with the sexual abuse I encountered throughout my childhood, teen years and young adulthood. I have discussed this with many therapists and still, I have difficulty dealing with it. I am on medication and even with it I am pulled into a downward spiral. When I was in 3rd grade, a teacher molested me. When I was 17, an employer sexually assaulted me on numerous occasions...This started out as grabbing at my genital area every time we passed (we had to work next to each other and he would grab at me as he leaned past me). It worked up to him sending all of the (other 3) employees out on deliveries and his pushing me against the wall and assaulting me. No matter how I tried to get away, I couldn't. Wha