Sometimes therapy helps, sometimes it doesn't. I've been through at least 6 or 7 therapists in the last 10 years. I learned a lot during those first few years...and occasionally, some new revelation pops up. But, I know all about my dysfunctional childhood and my alcoholic father. Re-hashing all of that again with a new counselor just doesn't seem to have any benefit. The bottom line is that it always comes back to me to make the changes...change negative habits and thought patterns...stop the negative tapes that keep repeating in my head...take my med's (which I do), eat right, exercise, (I do these, too) and get a good amount of sleep (when I can actually sleep). The frustrating thing is that I have been doing all of these things for over a year, and I've still had this latest bout come over me. One good thing is that it definitely has not gotten as bad as in the past. Over the last month or two, I've been trying to recall the last time I really felt actual happiness or exhuberance over some event. I'm 39 and the only time I remember was the birth of my first son 10+ years ago. Before that, I have to go back 20 years or more to my teenage years. I can go through the motions and laugh and partially enjoy things, but there just doesn't seem to be that ability to let loose and be filled with joy, or excitement...or really any other emotion for that matter. It's almost like that ability has just completely left me. Enough ranting for now. Jim

Hi Jim Yes you cenrtainly have been going through a rough patch. What you are describing makes a lot of sense for a person suffering from depression. You keep yourself busy, (not necessarily intentionally) but when you start to slow down your mind tells you things that was kept inside for the duration of the busy periods. This is the time when we need to get our thought processes right. Therapy does a great deal to help this. The tablets alone will not do it for you. Just on the taking of medicine. I am also on the normal stuff, and at the moment I am doing quite well. The only thing with the medication is that you never really feel too bad, but you also never feel truly happy. It is a middle path where you just live. Thought process changes is the only way to go to actually realize that there are things that can make you happy and make life enjoyable. Yesterday I was thinking that depression is like a diet. People go on these crash courses and they lose 10 kilograms in two months. As soon as they stop the diet they gain 20. I feel depression is like that. I live from one short term goal to the next. I need to find a "diet" that I can use for the rest of my life and stay healthy. Good luck

Thanks, Casey. It definitely helped to just get some of that out of me.

Hi Jim, Thanks for sharing your story with us. Please know that you can come here and share these feelings and experiences with us anytime - or just "rant" as you say. You have gone through some very tough experiences! Others will definitely be able to relate and identify with some of these. I am sure you will be hearing from your fellow members soon. Casey __________________________________ The Depression Center Support Team

Hi. I just need to try to get some things off my chest...try to sort some things out. Maybe some of you are having similar issues. Maybe not. I'm a 39-year-old man. I was first diagnosed with depression in 1994. Looking back, I know it goes back at least 15 years or more before that. I am a recovering alcoholic. I stopped drinking in 1995 but have had 3 relapses since then. It's been about a year and a half since the last relapse. I got a divorce in 2000 after 9 years. I have 2 wonderful boys who mean more to me than I could ever say. They have probably saved my life just by being here. I have my boys about 50% of the time. I am remarried since 2001 to a lady who I had a big crush on back in high school. She also has 2 boys from a previous marriage whom she has about 50% of the time. So, some of the time, there are all 6 of us in the house, sometimes a combination of 4, sometimes just my wife and I. I have a constant dysthymia (low-grade depression) with recurring bouts of deeper depression. I'm having one of those bouts now. It's frustrating because I've been doing all of the things that I'm 'supposed' to do. I workout 3 or 4 times a week. I take my meds as prescribed without missing any. I have a healthy diet. I get a decent amount of sleep (at least I was before this set in and now I just lay there all night). I've tried just about all of the SSRI's. None of them helped but all of them completely killed my sex drive. About a year ago, I finally talked my doc into letting me try Wellbutrin and Provigil together. It has given me the best results so far. It has helped keep me from really spiralling downward right now, but it certainly hasn't prevented the downward fall entirely. Since then, he's added Buspar. Today, I just started Lithium, which he says may help even though I'm not bipolar. There have been external factors. It was a very stressful few months at work throughout the springtime. And, it was very busy at home juggling all of the activities with the boys. It's been a non-stop ride with no time for resting. I could feel myself slowly slipping. We've had financial difficulties since we got married. We both brought debt from our first marriages. We just got further into debt. We had to file bankrupt