Thanks for your response Melanie. I'm about to go in to work now and I'm very cold and sweaty with fear. (and meds side-effects I think). I don't think I can wait long enough to speak with my therapist (first appt is in 2 weeks) My supervisor is back today after being away for 3 weeks. I think I'm going to have to tell her today, if I even make it that far. I have rehearsed what I'm going to say so I don't fall in a heap. Wish me luck.

Rose, Thank you for sharing your story with us. Have you taken a moment to have a meeting with your boss to discuss your feelings? Having one person supporting you at work may be helpful? If not, try talking to your therapist about this step. If you look to the left of the screen under "TOOLS" you will find our Depression Test. This test is not a diagnostic tool and is not a replacement or substitute for a physician's advice. The purpose of these tests is to prepare you with information that you can present to your physician. When you're finished the test, you can either print your Final Report or email it directly to your doctor. You will find that there are many supportive individuals on this site that may relate to what you are experiencing. If you have any question or concerns with our site or please contact Support Department at support@depressioncenter.net. We are open to any questions or concerns you may have. Looking forward to hearing from you soon! Melanie _____________________________________ The Depression Center Support Team This message was edited by Melanie, Support Specialist on 8/22/2004 @ 9:29:41 AM

Hullo all! I just joined today and I'd like to hear opinions on this issue I have. First a bit of history .. I have had depression and other assorted mental health issues all my life. I have PTSD from childhood experiences. After about the age of 30 I lost faith in medicine and therapy and began to seriously self-medicate. At 39 I was almost dead and too afraid to leave my house. I sought help for my addiction and over 3-4 years of 12 Step programme and wonderful counselling I began my new life. I studied and began work in a helping profession. I did well and was promoted twice. Unfortunately it involved shift work and after 3 years I was physically and mentally drained. I was advised to change hours. A vacancy came up in my agency, I applied and I got it, much to my surprise. Soon after I started there I quit smoking.(3 months ago) I felt very, very stressed. I also began a part-time study course (required for my job). I thought that my anxiety would abate with time but it didn't.I was waking several times a night and waking with dread in my stomach. I was terrified of going to work, but did it anyway. I couldn't remember simple instructions. This is actually not past, but present. Last week I went to my GP and for the first time in years I am on meds for depression again.(Zoloft) They have not kicked in yet and I'm very anxious. I also have an appt to see a psychologist who has an interest in PTSD. My problem is this: how long do I keep trying to pretend everything is ok at work? The pressure is enormous and I feel that they must know I am not learning as well as they'd hoped. I can't remember simple things. I feel that everyone there is very annoyed with me. I try to blank it all out when I'm there but I'm expected to do things I am having so much trouble doing. If I tell my boss and I am told not to come to work, I will be in serious financial difficulty, including not being able to pay for the therapy. But I feel that everyone at work is saying bad things about me. I'm also scared that if I can't go to work I will be back to square one. It took SOOOOO much effort and determination to get to where I am today. I'm afraid of the stigma of depression and that my family will be disappointed in me. I'm afraid that my employers won't trust me