I have an angle on this too. Wife 33 bad history. Parents let 5 children "fend for themselves" in terms of emotional support, mealtimes finding food around the house & 3 of her siblings are sisters, getting advice on womanly things. However her parents are together so they're stable enough. But her sister would alway be a cleptomaniac & drag her into it a bit, she would feel low. Need to keep her in a lifestyle rebuilt positively. But probably haven't done well enough yet...

Mary, I have known 3 people now who were diagnosed with Borderline. I understand that common phrase; "I'm always afraid that people are going to abandon me". I read the book called "Stop Walking on Eggshells" by Mason Kreger. One of my recent friends is now dealing with a step-daughter who is married with kids who also is suspected to be Borderline. She has just agreed to go to the doctor to be diagnosed, as she now realises that she has a serious problem. Her father is very kind, and has been putting up with a lot of abuse, and my friend who just married him, didn't realise what was going on until she read that book. I think it addresses both the side of the person with the problem, and the side of the friends and family. I must admit I was drawn to two Borderline people as good friends, until for various reasons I too, had to back away from them. So I can understand you must be deeply distressed at times, knowing that this can happen. In fact, one of the persons I became obsessed with was Borderline. My husband and I took the place of his parents, whom he couldn't stand, and we were the ones rushing him to the hospital at nights when he would slash himself. Now the crazy thing is that we both loved him very much and we were the ones that finally got him the help he needed. But he also became obsessed with me. I became infatuated with him, and my husband seemed to too. To keep his mind busy, the two of them began spending almost every night together playing pool. I thought I was in love with him because we could share many of the same feelings about our backgrounds. But being left alone every night made me develop eating disorders. However, there was another girl that I was helping to get phsychatric help for at the same time for depression. So the three of us became close friends. But, she ended up having an affair with him, and running away together. She was married too. So I lost two close friends at the same time. I felt betrayed also, because I had confided my love feelings for him to the other girl. He used to show up at my house in the middle of the day when my husband was not around, and he used to call me often just to talk. Finally after a few years of this, I told him to stop calling, as I cried, and said I cared about him to

Dear wayfarer21, I totally agree with you that although we may have a biologically background which predisposes us to have depression, I very much agree that situations are a trigger for mine to become worse. I don't deal with stress very well - at least inside, anyway. I'm good at putting on a front for the public, but in my own personal world, I struggle very much being very sad, alone, afraid, angry, withdrawn, no energy, and all. I have tried to not take the meds and it landed me in the psych hospital for the third time so I know part of it's chemical imbalance and part of it was circumstances that were around me.

Dear unrequited, My experience with depression started when I was 13 when my real dad died of a heart attack. Up until then I feel like I had a pretty normal childhood, although my Mom and Dad both liked to drink. After my dad died, my Mom married my stepfather who was truly an alcoholic. He had a temper, verbally abused my Mom and I (my brother and sister were older so they didn't live at home anymore)and was also physically abusive to my Mom and I. I feel like he really hurt my Mom emotionally and I was afraid of him. That's when hatred became a part of me. But I didn't know how to express the rage that began in me against him. At 15 I was molested by a male cousin and I never told anyone about it. I wrote about it and my Mom found it. I felt so ashamed I begged her not to tell and so she didn't. But now I wonder if I had gone ahead with it I would of been better off. Anyway, the rage within me grew and I remember just feeling like I wanted to be gone. I began cutting at the age of 16 and still have problems with wanting to do that when I get really angry or upset. I have had dreams about my stepdad and have woken up screaming. When I was diagnosed with MDD at 32 I also had PSTD and Borderline Personality Disorder as well. I married at 21 and am still married. It hasn't been easy but my husband has stayed with me through 3 separate hospitalizations for my depression. I have a lot of problems with anger building up and not being able to get it out, afraid of being abanadoned, and feeling like "who's going to take care of ME". In a way, I'm thankful to know that I had a predisposition to have it as there is such a stigma regarding the diagnosis and people not understanding why I can't just "snap out of it" and so it's not like I've failed at trying to get out of this dark hole. Hope I've answered some of your questions.

Hi unrequited, From what I've learned, it seems biology may lead to a predisposition - kinda like heart disease in the family doesn't necessarily you'll get it, but you're more likely to. From then, situations become important - coping strategies, stress levels, stuff like that. I kinda take comfort in the biological aspects - the idea that my MDD is a personal failure still effects me. As for the dreams, as a teenager I went through a spell of what I figures were night-terrors. I would wake up 1/2 way across the room because I had dreamt an evil-looking stranger was leaning over me. At the time, I tried chalking it up to stress, but it continued for years. The one thing I've noticed about my episodes is the deeper I'm in one, the less I seem to dream. Have you or anyone else heard about a possible link with MDD & lack of REM sleep - the time when you dream? - Wayfarer21

Dear Mary; I am almost in the same boat with you...45 years old, treated at age 32 onwards, and I always had troubles with depression...and likewise, my father and brother tried to commit suicide,and my siblings have all had trouble in their marriages. Both brothers were divorced and my sister's husband hung on even though they were separated for a while, and they got back together. My mother however, was not an alcoholic, so that was one thing I did not have to put up with. How did you survive with your mother in a mess too? My mother was the typical religious saint image type person as opposed to my father's alcoholic deadbeat father type image. I did get a strong faith in God from my mother, which I believe that held me together better than my siblings. But I often wonder if she should have left him, and raised us without him. Then we would have been more protected. I got the same messages from my doctors, that they say there may be a biological link, but also situational component; as we can both see from our own circumstances. That used to drive me crazy at the phychiatrist, when they could not tell me one way or the other. I guess they don't know. Perhaps the situations we are in lead to a biological problem too. I have a question for you and others...did you ever have terrible dreams and wake up screaming?

Hi - from what I understand about my own diagnosis of Major Depression is that mine is both a genetic predisposition and also situational. I am now 45 but was diagnosed with major depression when I was 32. Both my parents were alcoholics, my sister and brother are as well. I know my Mom had problems with depression, my brother tried to kill himself in the last two years and my sister has been through 3 marriages that failed. When I have been on medication and involved with therapy my depression seems to get better but there are times when there hasn't been a "reason" to be depressed and I am. That's usually been when I haven't been consistent with my meds and my psychiatrist says it's a chemical imbalance that causes it. My Dr. also said that since I had depression that my kids were at a higher risk of having it as well.

Hi unrequited, Glad to hear that you say that you have been able to find a balance in your life. You bring up some very interesting points and I am sure other members will be responding with thier own experiences soon. You are right about a possible genetic connection. Please keep in mind though, that when looking at causes - there are various theories. These include (but not limited to) biologic, learning, intrapersonal,cognitive... According to a biological theory - one may have a genetic predisposition. I think the key point is to realize that there are a variety of causative factors which may also depend on individual's environment (i.e. past or present circumstances). Casey __________________________________ The Depression Center Support Team

My great uncle had some kind of mental illness which kept him in hospital and on a pension. His brothers and my grandfather were drinkers. My father was an alcoholic and tried to kill himself about six or seven times. One of my brothers tried to kill himself a few times, and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Another brother was highly intelligent, and went through a bad breakup with his wife, and sort of lost it. He became a stalker, and although not diagnosed to my knowledge paranoid, with alcoholism. I have tried to hold it together, but have suffered Major Depression since young childhood, but had peaks and valleys through my life. Some parts of young childhood, teen years, and about three years after marriage, as well as into my late 30's were low points. Now, with medications and some therapy, I have found a sort of a balance. Is major depression usually inherited, and does it usually come and go regardless of circumstances? It seems this has been the case within my family. I had two brothers and one sister, and they have all either been divorced, or separated because of infidelity. Although I have not had that problem, I do get infatuations from time to time which trouble me, which I consider to be looking for a high of good feelings more than a reality of any substantial problems. This would include relationships with others problems, which is one of the subheadings in this center. If it is all inherited, then one can try to accept that, and go on through the good and the bad times, realising it is not our fault. What do you think?