I have been depressed off and on my whole life. I recently found an old diary from when I was ten, and it was stunning to read that I've been having these same feelings for over 20 years. I have two kids-3 and 4 years old. At times I feel like I would like to run away, because I'm afraid of being a bad mother. My husband is a good guy, but not much help to me. He doesn't understand my need to have a little time to myself. I am not close to anyone in my family, and have no close friends since the kids came along. Although I've been struggling alone with my feelings for a very long time, I feel like I'm coming to a crisis point. I can't afford a doctor right now, but I know I need help. I feel overwhelmed, detached, angry, and desperate. I am a bartender at night, and after work I drink till I am drunk enough to feel happy. I realize that this is not a solution, but right now all I have to ease the pain. I am ashamed to even post anonymously on this forum, it seems like I am just whining. But I can't hold it in anymore. I am starting to feel like giving up. Is this normal?
