I have been in customer service in a bank for about 7 years. Very stressful! Since February I have worked in a convenience store part time to full time, depending on how often I would want to fill in for others. Since I've been out of the hospital for the second time I have been filling in for people but on a very limited basis. It feels good to get out and work because I like seeing the friendly faces and to know that my being there is pleasant for the customers, however, I worked yesterday by myself and it got busy and I almost started panicking. Now I'm sort of afraid to work. I do enjoy seeing people, but as long as I can remember, all I've wanted to do is be a stay at home mom. So being home isn't bad, if I could just feel good about it and not guilty. We are also going through a messy family situation with my husbands family and it is over an estate. We can't afford a lawyer and things are being said that are very hurtful. For one, I didn't have a nervous breakdown like my doctor said and that this depression thing is used by me to get out of doing things, such as family meetings, etc.... I have busted my butt for a year and a half to get a mortgage so that the siblings could get their money. We had a year and it took about six-eight months longer because our credit isn't so great. Also the house has been neglected for 35 years and in order to get the house up to code, alot of work has to be done before we can get the second part of the mortgage. Needless to say, this does not sit well with my husbands siblings. I"m doing the best I can and my husband is so angry that he doesn't care! What do I do? It makes me feel inadequate. My sister-in-law thinks this depression is something I can beat. I can't make anyone see how devasting it is to me and how crippling. Now they want to have a family meeting this Saturday and my husband doesn't want to go. My therapist says neither of us should go and if I don't, I will be made fun of because it is an "excuse". If they only knew that this is not the way I chose to live and I would give anything not to feel like I do. Today was a good day until we got the phone message about the family meeting and it took just those few seconds to plummet me to the bottom. In the morning I loved living and now I can't understand why

Hi Lori, Welcome. Staying home to recover is usually for the purpose of healing and re-energizing. Staying home out of fear risks feeding isolation and other weakening impediments to recovery. Your post seems to indicate that fear is the motivator. What kind of work do you do, and is it possible to begin with part-time work?

I'm new here as of today. I have battled depression before and this episode began late last year even though it didn't reach the crashing point until July of this year. I was hospitalized and put on meds and after 5 days was discharged. I felt worse as the weeks went on and was again hospitalized. I have been out of the hospital now for about two weeks, but every day I deal with this demon! I feel like I'm in this very dark place. I have a good support system but I don't know when I will feel like my old self again. I can see small glimmers of the old me, but most of the time, I question why I'm still alive. I feel like a burden to my family. I don't want to work for fear that I won't be able to handle the stress. I just want to stay within the confines of my home because that is where I feel safe. Is there ever going to be a day when I smile and it isn't fake? Will there ever be a day I don't wish that I would die to end the pain? Will there ever come a time when I will enjoy my life again and not have to be afraid of not being able to run my life?