Thanks, Goofy. No, I did not call him and I'm so pleased that I didn't. It would have been a major setback and a big mistake. Like I said, he's toxic to me.
I've just been going through some of the information I've read so far on this site, and I think you're right about having info in hand when I talk to the family. I just might copy some info off and distribute it to them while I'm talking. The image that creates in my mind is making me smile. Of course, I do think that not seeing them on a daily, weekly or even monthly basis puts them out of touch with the reality of my condition. Also, being 1,000 miles away, I can sense their awkwardness over the telephone when I'm needing support and they're not here to give it. It does make it difficult. I'm not making excuses for anyone, but I am trying to be practical about the situation.
Thanks so much for your support, Goofy, and your kind words.
hey, sometimes explaining with the information in hand may be the best way to handle things. Explain the good, the bad and the ugly. Explain the emptiness and loneliness. And get information for them to have in hand and share with them later. I usually do the overkill thing and give too much "written" information" and not enough "normal" conversation stuff. Anyway, I say "repeat as necessary" because one time usually isn't enough as you've already experienced.
You never said whether or not you called your ex. I hope you didn't. I think it would have left you feeling more alone and more depressed. That is not the answer. Have you looked for a support group in your area. Or considered taking a class - like cake baking or needlework (or I don't know your interests); hone some skills of some sort. I know you could meet new people and learn a new hobby. I'm not talking about a long-term 16 week course around here we have 3 or 4 meeting courses - low cost just to get you introduced to a new thing and get you to take more classes.
I hope you have a great Holiday Season and make headway with the family. When you are feeling lonely write, post, call your family/friends, but don't call your ex (my motto, just sharing).
Thanks for the reply, Ashley. I haven't given them any literature to read, but I've tried to explain to them what I'm going through. They seem to understand at the time I'm explaining, but then a week later when I'm having a setback, all that knowledge has appeared to have blown out the window as far as they're concerned. It's very frustrating for me to keep telling them what I'm going through and what it's like. I will just take it a day at a time and when I see them over the upcoming holidays, perhaps I can explain my "illness" to them again, in person.
What a lot of people don't understand is depression requires a lot of maintenance. Some days you will have good days. Other days you will not. Have you ever gave them any literature on depression. Maybe the more they learn about it the better able they will be to understand it. It is hard to live so far away from family. Being isolated can certainly worsen the depression. It is understandable that you would want to talk to your ex when you don't have that much other social contact with people you are close to.
If you could try putting effort into relationships that are close (location wise) to you do you think that would help? What about work makes things easier for you?
I really dread weekends because they're very lonely and I have too much time on my hands to think. Even when I plan things for the weekend to make it busy, my depression usually wins over and I end up backing out of most of the activities I had planned. Yesterday I knew I was going to have a bad day as I wanted to get in touch with my Ex-H (who is my toxic person), so I tried to call one brother, who was not available, my other brother who was not available, my mother, who was not available and my son who lives here in the states, who was on his way to a friend's wedding and couldn't talk to me. He did tell me, however, not to get in touch with the Ex-H. I got a call back today from both brothers and I didn't answer the phone, and my mother left me a message and I haven't returned her call. I feel as if they don't really comprehend what this depression thing is all about because they all live so far away, they don't see it. If I have a good day, they think I'm "cured." If I have a setback, they seem to get exasperated with me. They can't understand why I still want to get in touch with the Ex after all the hurt, lies and pain he has caused. In fact, I don't understand it either. Why would I want to do such a thing? Because he's the only one who's nearby? I hate living all alone 1,000 miles away from all of my family and being in a deep state of depression. I get angry at them for living their own lives and not bothering with me until I try to call them.
This has just been a bad weekend and I can't wait to go back to work tomorrow.
