I am sorry to read how you have been feeling and how you have been struggling. Coming here for support is a great first step to wellness. Have you had a chance to check out the program yet? Any questions so far?
I've been depressed for a few years and it just gets worse, because my problems just keep piling up.
I am 27 years old but I feel like a failure in life.
I have a BA in Communications & Culture + I volunteer a lot but no job. Instead I have all this student debt, which is more than anything else very psychologically burdensome.
-I have a problem with hearing 'no' (or no answer) so even as a child I barely took initiative and asked my parents for things (e.g. pocket money, etc.). I think this extended to the working world where when I apply to several jobs and don't hear back from a single one I get very demotivated to apply anymore. (I mostly only apply to jobs where I am a 90% or greater match, but I still don't hear back.)
-I feel like I haven't accomplished anything even though I have a BA. (I guess because I couldn't pay off my student debt)
I fail at every new major thing I try now
-I failed my drivers license exam six times and am scared to take it again. I went to the one week driving classes, at least four hours extra paid driving classes, and probably 50+ hours practicing with my dad or brother. I still fail every time.
-I got kicked out of my Masters program because I was not able to overcome my depression after my divorce (right after I started the program). I failed the same course three times even though I had most of the work done. I just felt so tired of life and unmotivated to even click one button to submit work I had already completed.
-I got divorced. Though, I initiated the divorce and it made me happy, I feel very insecure about the future and me not being married is very stressful to my parents. I am scared of trusting new people now after getting hurt so much the first time.
I have no self-worth
-My siblings treat me like a doormat
-I avoid all my friends who are successful (e.g. have careers or are married) even though they are nice people
-I am obese but gave up on life. I feel tired all the time and just want to sleep. Food is the only thing that makes me happy in the short term, and escapism through the internet, which is like an addiction for me.
-My failures and my divorce just made my concept of self-worth and motivation for life disappear. I cannot get them back again for the long-term.
-I hate myself so I avoid 'thinking' in general except about what I am watching or playing at the moment. I constantly think about death 'by accident' but I am not suicidal.
I think my quickest fix would be getting a job, and I have so many skills to offer as well but it is so difficult in this job market.
I am scared of applying because it gets my hopes up and then destroys them again and again, which destroys my self-worth even more. I am scared of trying and failing. I am tired and scared of 'hoping' for things.
