I have yet to be diagnosed with depression, but have taken enough psychology classes and worked with enough people with MDD to know that I am definitely suffering with something, probably MDD. It's been on-going through my whole life, but has seriously taken a grip in the past 10 months since I finished university, moved to a new town away from friends and family and started my career.
I've gone to a couple different counsellors in the past, but feel like my problem hasn't really been taken as seriously as I'd like. I'm in the process of getting a new counsellor now, and am hoping that maybe this time I'll get referred to where I need to be. I'm really a go getter, and work really hard at the homework and often am coming up with my own coping strategies, but I know that there's a lot more going on inside me that I need to deal with, just haven't met someone yet who can help me get in there and deal with it. I've tried see a psychologist several times, but am always turned away because of their high caseloads, and their decision that because I haven't been suicidal that my case isn't "serious" enough for them to take me on. Mostly it just leaves me with incredible amounts of frustration.
My "depression" is becoming really debilitating. It's seriously affecting my relationships with friends, family and boyfriend. I am struggling with social anxiety (and have been my whole life) but now feel like I am pretending that the whole "it's okay to stay home and take care of yourself" mentality is taking over my whole life. I spend most of my time alone in my apartment. I dread going out for anything...work, socializing. My boyfriend lives with me, but often works away or is out seeing friends. When he is home, he wants to take me out to do fun things, but most of the time it's everything I can do to get out of my chair and put my coat on...partly because I'm exhausted, and partly because I know that leaving means I have to deal with people. I'm extremely irritable, and I end up taking most of it out on my boyfriend which leaves me feeling like a horrible person, and then getting more down on myself. The things that are really starting to worry me is that I am not taking care of myself like I usually do. I usually love to cook, and I dread it now...often because it involves grocery shopping (people...) and washing dishes. I used to make delicious healthy meals, now I barely have the energy. I used to exercise all the time, too tired and not motivated enough to do it. I used to like to look nice (wear nice clothes, do my hair, shave my legs etc) and had good hygiene habits...now if I brush my teeth at night I feel like I've accomplished something huge. I just feel sick thinking about all the things I used to be able to do in a day, and now can't seem to accomplish anything.
I'm really hoping that working on this program with my new counsellor will actually help me get out of this hole this time. And hopefully reading all of your experiences/stories will help me realize that I'm not alone in this. Thanks for reading and for the support.
