It sounds like you have some ingrained core beliefs about interacting with the opposite sex. Core beliefs are formed at a young age and they work as a lens in which we see the world through. The good news is these belief can change with the help of CBT. Continue to work your way through the program. You will notice the last few sessions focus on core beliefs. You can work on these beliefs during those sessions. Keep us updated on how you do regarding this.
Around age of 5 my grandmother teached me that was wrong to comunicate with boys and never be around with them or let them be close. That all girls that do that, are "****s" (she didn´t told me that word exactly cause I don´t know the translation, but I catch the ugly meaning). I had a male friend from my age that I used to play. After that conversation I continue playing with him, but with a guilty feeling that I was doing something wrong. I had to give up that friendship because the guilty feeling. My grandmother told me it was wrong a girl be with a boy playing alone together, what people would think?
Since then and till today I have very difficult making friends of the opposite sex. I´m 39 now and this learning is stick with me. I can make male friends but with a lot of anxiety and difficulty. This cause to me too much frustation, I like to meet new people, I like to have a social life, but I can not develop a simple conversation with most of the men that interact with me in all kinds of activities (job, gym, beach, friends from friends).
What hope can I have, this make me very sad and lonely person.
