Hi again :)
So I'm scheduled to go back to work tomorrow........... and I literally can't. I think I've covered a diameter of about 10 feet since I woke up this morning. I can barely move. Just sitting and staring at things. Can't make any decisions or concentrate. I couldn't figure out what to eat for breakfast or lunch (nor do I have the energy to make it) so I just skipped that. It's a bad day. I can't make myself do anything except read posts and write.
I'm working 2 jobs (56 hours a week), and am a single mom (I have a 5 year-old son, and my 20 year-old son is home for the semester). My mom and dad are around, but getting up there in age so I really don't have any help there. My oldest son is ill with some mystery diagnosis so we have been running around to lots of specialists the past 3 months and are no closer to a diagnosis.
But I'm worried about this work thing. I actually love both of my jobs and generally speaking, am really on top of it at work. I work for myself at one job, so just had to find a sub (which I did), and talked to my supervisor at my other job who has been incredibly understanding. So I'm lucky-- I have a job in this terrible economy, and a fantastic boss. I guess I'm feeling guilty and a bit worthless. I was reading one of Diva's posts about the whole work thing and our self-value. And about longing to be "normal."
So I've managed to get another week to focus on my recovery but I feel a lot of pressure (self-induced) to get my act together so I can get back to work (I really need the income).
I feel like I'm standing on a deserted island and I can
see the other shore where I need to get to, but I'm just not sure how. I think that starting session 2 will help a lot, and that was my goal for today. So far I haven't been able to do it. I'm hoping I can whip up some energy this afternoon. I know eating, excercising, sleeping welll-- I know all of that will help. It's getting the energy to do it that I'm finding hard. My body and mind are not complying with my supreme royal orders!
Traitors.
Thanks for listening. I have a very important date to go stare at my walls again and I'm running late.
ha ha
deb